Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

its Notional Recent AC100 rumors suggest that 2022 33-36hr finishers will not get a buckle.  Behold the 2022 Buckle, which was orignally presented to the 2016  deserving DFL Post-Cutoff Finisher [Unofficial]. This proposed buckle is now the Second Life as the Avatar of the New Out-N-Back Urge Version of the venerable AC100.  Because everybody deserves performance. This may come as a shock to a generation that has gotten used to 50k buckles, and may be an especially tough burn for those lucky enough to have brought *two* shitloads of dimes to the Mt Baden-Powell Toll Booth. Yes, that’s Elder Times Humor. You’ll adjust. I’m sure it’s nothing Grindr can’t fix. However, Mr Trail Safety has a solution. “Idiot child, must I tell you everything?” Sorry, that was a past-life memory working in an ad/design shop on Robertson Blvd in the early 1980s. Because Bobcat Fire. However, there exists a true image of one "Marco", who brought a PNFT [Physical NFT, before they were a thing],...

  The 2022 AC100 is now an out & back due to forest & trail conditions from the 2020 Bobcat Fire.    Fun fact: its uphill from Chantry to Wrightwood. With a few downs interspersed. I learned that in Before Times, from Jimbo Training, ‘93-‘96.   Here are some fun sections: Islip backwards to Vincent Gap: 12mi Inspiration back to the start/finish: 10mi And of course The Fred Flintstone Scenic Stoner Wilderness, between Chilao and Three Points. Also the PGT* that runs under Mt "Sonny Boy" Williamson on Highway 2 back to Islip. So. The Wise Runner will learn the course backwards first. Because the AC course seriously DGAF about you. _________________________________________ *PGT: Pretty Good Tunnel, aka The Jimmy Moorhart Road Cone Section; again from Before Times.  

The Four Aggrievements: A Practical Guide to My Personal Enrichment is a self-help book by bestselling author Dr Sevende Sandia, Obscure Mexican Mystic; with Yurik Skåld, noted scribe and age-group winner at various prestigious ultramarathon events. The book offers a code of conduct claiming to be based on ancient TikTok wisdom that advocates freedom from deleterious beliefs in refunds that may cause suffering and limitation in a person's personal wealth. First published in 1997, the book has sold over 9 million copies in the US[1] and has been translated into 69 languages worldwide, including demotic American English, and shit.[2] The book gained popularity after being endorsed by Oprah Winfrey on The Oprah Winfrey Show in 2001 and again on the television show in 2013.[3] The book was also on the New York Times bestseller list for over a decade.[1]* Various claims by Dr Sevende Sandia were vigorously disputed by Sixpak and Deepdik Chakra, who claimed in their suit of 2019 [MacAll...

The Four Aggrievements The Four Aggrievements By Dr Sevende Sandia, Obscure Mexican Mystic, as transcribed by Yurik Skåld Channeling Ancient TikTok Wisdom for a new generation of seekers 1] Be Impeckerable with your words. Speak Impeckerably.
 Avoid using $5 words when a $9 word 
is available. Talk shit about people, because shit is the fertilizer 
of discourse. 
 Use the power of those words
 in the erection of a Rundle. 
Look it up. 2] Don’t take personally what you can’t sue Nothing others do matters unless
 it hurts your Divine Feels. 
 What others say and do is grist for a threat. When you are immune 
to the needless suffering of others, 
you won’t be a victim of opinions 
and actions of others. 3] Don’t Make Needless Assays Find the courage to express and 
monetize your greed. Ex-communicate others whenever.
 With this One Aggrievement, you can 
completely transform your fortunes;
 from a broke-ass 1099 to an S Corp 
of limitless prosperity. 4] Always Best Your Do Your Do is talk...

I was a Flower of the Insta yes when I put emoji in my post like the Installusian girls used or shall I post a heart yes and how he Liked me on his timeline Yes and I thought swell as well Bot as another and then I Liked him with my Likes to Like again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my Insta flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my tags all influence yes and his post was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.  

When folk had laughed at my foolish biz, My hashtagged life of toil it is, Different folkes diversely said, To corporate masters you must give headde. Because I am strongge of Insta’s craft, I built myself a stout big raft, With mightye pictures in my postes, That were mocked by fools as shallow boastes. For follows large I pined for longly, Bengal troll farmes replied Me strongly! Ten thousande likes sprung from that spring raine, Silver left my purse with muche greate paine. If you knoweth History then You’d Understandde, The fearsome logge I holde in my handde, Forget that Once Was I when I got Chickked Remember what I’ve done for Sportte, and Shitte. --- And thus concludes today's reading. For an elder prose version, read this .

  One eccentric billionaire’s quest to put a cart on Mars?   The ShopKartist is a the story of a hero's journey. Here is the dialog between noted media consultant Dr Casino Bingo and the D&L Marketing Team discussing how to market this gem. ---------------------------------------------------- D&L Marketing Team Back to the cart. Work with me on this...I’m thinking... The product stream... The cart developmental story. A young basket full of potential. A cart in its prime testing its boundaries. A electro cart past its prime yet still contributing. The investigative journalism angle how did a cart in its prime end up here broken and neglected. Substance abuse? Nature vs nurture? Chemtrails. Vaccine status? But there’s more. Where was/ is this...wait for it...the cartography if you will. Conejo Alps? Near the terminus of the Conejo glacier? Partially buried with paleo artifacts nearby to offer glimpses of the past.  -------------------------------------------------...

Candice Burt is building Destination Trail as an elite brand, positioning herself as the lifestyle avatar of that identity. In April 2021, she swore off Facebook and Twitter, because “she didn’t want to be on the menu.” I think she cited the male gaze on this. A month later she reversed course, and now Facebook, Insta and Twitter were her, all the time. Its A Material World The media landscape has been transformed. What were once vices are now habits. Insta and TikTok enable a performative intimacy that might not have happened earlier.
 We’ve seen this before. House Kardashian: where Kim transitioned from Paris Hilton’s Closet-Keeper to a freestanding multi-billion dollar brand family. These ranked charts show where Candice Burt & Destination Trail figure in the landscape. CB/DT has a stronger Insta presence, and short-memory visuals drive impulse buying.  Weird Science. Obviously Kim K will probably never run an ultra, but she’s here to show top-end. Other notable ultra-entit...

Triple Threat Ultras are presented by SKT RibbonChasers®™ LLC; a wholly owned subsidiary of D&L Holistic Industries in partnership with Offshore Vacuum Party Ltd GmbH, and 401k DNS Holdings Ltd, Cayman Islands.    Idatard 100-Mile Everyone is a winner here! You do the math! BYO helmet. The Körnhole 100 Based on the classic Kornhole 69 Hr Track Run. This rugged finisher's buckle is crafted from select off-cuts of All-American CX 3/4" plywood. Hand-tooled by D&L Holistic Industries' doe-eyed eco-femmes, in the offshore tax-havens of the Bang Slap Archipelago. INCOMPLETE RACE INFO: Height Categories: Dwarf, Average, and Too Damn Tall Weight: Anorexic, Uneasy-About-It, Love Handles & Roll-Overs, and Truck-Scale Worthy.  Length: Guys, I suspect that this category will be most rife with obfuscations, hedgings, and outright cheating. Applicants/claimants will argue [invariably] that it all depends on who's doing the "examinations". With that said, he...

Listen to the dog. I'm gonna piss on a live wire and talk about why Virtual Ultras Don't Count. Preamblin' Prior to 2020 a virtual ultra was a distant-fringe idea, like "running to the moon", kid you not. Then 'Rona exploded in the USA thanks to criminal incompetence, magical thinking, short-term Trumpian graft and corruption, and demonization of actual science that might've gotten a handle on things. All public sporting events died. Suddenly, we entered the age of Virtual Ultras. This was an understandable response by RD's who's events were suddenly cancelled, and by runners who needed to compete in something, anything. Gary Cantrell's The Virtual Great Race Across Tenn essee was a surprise winner in this category with an estimated 19,000 entrants. Pros & Cons  Virtual ultras enable people who might not have done an ultra, to motivate, train, and bond with others looking to find their way out of a black hole. A real positive example is Ja...

My virtual buckle is down there, dammit! 2020 was a burning dumpster fire. Ultras got pounded. In the midst of all that, some events were able to safely proceed, and magic happened. Our friends at Ultrarunning Magazine have the stats . They do that way better than I. Predictions... Really?  The following is a tossed salad of the sober and surreal. You decide which. Marquee races like Western States and Hardrock may or may not happen, depending on how fucked up the 'Rona vaccine rollouts are, combined with Avoidable Dumbfuck Super-Spreader Events. Smaller races are also impacted. Currently LA County is on lockdown. Angeles Crest 100 is listed as happening, but we'll see after the winter storms and Bobcat Fire trail-washouts and tree deadfalls have their way. A huge majority of that course was incinerated this past October. The last word from the USFS was that it was closed for the next several years. There's enough trail work for all entrants and more, as the USFS is perenni...

Detail of mythic Jackalope, 1974. Omnibus Postcard Collection In the summer of 1975 I was an art counselor at the venerable Cimarroncita Ranch Camp for Boys, Ute Park NM. Originally there was the girls camp, and somebody thought that Junior needed to be somewhere if Sis was.  Getting There I rode the Dog from Athens OH thru Columbus, thence southwest through Missouri, OK City, and the vastness of Texas: Amarillo, Dalhart to Raton NM. There I was picked up by the camp in a station wagon with 3 other guys, and thence west on Hwy 64 to Ute Park NM.  "Jacky Blue" was playing on the radio. All the other guys seemed way more knowledgeable about all this, and I got the distinct feeling that my previous summer in Italy didn't count here.  Time The first three weeks were my Ohio sinuses draining in the mountain air. I'd finally come back to a home point on my native geographic axis, that ran from New Mexico up thru the Rockies into Idaho/Montana. Humor me, I was born in Den...

At least that's the way I remembered it. One morning, Phil needed my help making a dump run, and drop off a car. I followed him in his then-elderly Land Cruiser out to the Pitkin County dump. We tossed some shit, got a soda, and then drove back into town. He was meeting his pal Woody, a drug lawyer at a slanted-wood paneled fern bar, back when that look was brand new. We’re sitting there on low divan cushions. The waitresses were svelte, slender and cute as fuck. I was acutely aware of my obvious broke-ass status, but managed to keep my mouth shut. Woody appeared, high-fives and back slaps, the waitresses knew him. He took a seat, he and Phil traded opening lines, as one leathery cocaine cowboy after another, with turquoise rings etc sidled up to him, whispered in his ear, and discussing upcoming court dates. Woody launched into the Big Story. He’d just gotten back from Jackson MS, where he’d sprung four unlucky knuckleheads from a major drug bust. Two guys and their respective gir...

Buy the ticket, take the ride Phil & Gail's temporary rental house on the western flats part of Aspen was an 1890's gingerbread that had seen better days. It wasn't a restored painted lady like in San Francisco. It also didn't have a phone. For some reason this wasn't especially odd. A rock n roll seamstress lived across the street.The street was have been seal coated. She supposedly did work for the Eagles. This wasn’t exactly new; I knew an odd bird named Kent back in Athens who did stage wear for Alice Cooper, or so we were told. Only reason I met her was that she had a phone. So I’d go over to her house, call down to Denver, stall my grandmother, give her some money, and leave. The interior was tidy Victoriana. That style was enjoying a revival in pop culture; but I imagine that high-country junk stores were full of all that, left over from the mining booms and busts. She was in her late 30s, on the plain side, but completely sociable. On another day I met o...

Aspen CO. Image courtesy of the Omnibus Postcard Collection Gail and Phil had a friend, a woman who was a real estate agent. Some divorced guy from Texas had a crush on her, wanted to meet her. So a dinner was arranged. Gail, Phil, The Texan, Real Estate Gal [who was seriously not interested in Tex], her sister, and yours truly. Full disclosure: the sister was seriously not interested in me either. I remember her as a tall icy brunette with a Dorothy Hamill bob. We’re at Tex’s condo somewhere on Aspen Mountain. Got there while there was still light, saw the lifts out the back day. Again, a world light years from my life. We got situated, the weed circulated. Dinner arrives, a high-dollar chunk of Texas beef with a Bearnaise, and very lush French red wine.  Then Phil and Gail bailed, claiming something. So that left me sitting next to Icy Sister, baked as fuck. I didn't have the wit to duck out.  Tex is trying to establish his Cool Guy bona fides with Real Estate Gal, easily t...

USFS Bobcat Fire Closure Map   As of October 7, 2020 at 6:00 a.m. Mandatory evacuations for the Bobcat fire burning in the Angeles National Forest have been downgraded to warnings, the U.S. Forest Service said. ... The fire has burned 115,769 acres and was 89% contained as of Tuesday, Oct. 6. [ Mercury News ] The course is charred from Chilao thru Chantry, then up and over Mt Wilson [prevented from incinerating the telescope complex] to Idle Hour, and down to Sierra Madre. In short, a shit ton of burn. Winter will bring mudslides and more downed trees on trail washouts. Those familiar with the course know that in many places the trails are 'notional', ie stapled to the side of the slope in the best of times. Now that the manzanita has burned off, be prepared to welcome The Purple Poodle Dog Bush [ Eriodictyon parryi ], which is a native recovery species. For those not familiar with it, it makes poison oak seem like a bad coffee date. T his is the likely end of the Angeles Cre...

He's still on his game. I was entered in the Sean O’Brien 50-miler, but a cold hard eye on my sad probable splits suggested I do something else that day. My likely seventeen hour ETA meant a DNF hook at the final Piuma Creek crossing, a mere 2 miles from the finish. Last month’s SOB50k had  several post-DFLs moseying in from here with no urgency, which meant penalty dollars to the race for going over their time limit from the Park Service. Yes, thats a buzz kill. For them. For you its a reminder to make your training count, and not be a dick. More on that in a bit. Why We Serve In that light I decided to volunteer to work at the 13/36mi aid station with Amy Berkin-Chavez and her crew. It beats game-shows and day-drinking. The fast and the furious came in and went out, they’re pretty much OK. Things got interesting when the early mid-packers arrive, and its a swirl to get them fueled up and gone.  Then you start seeing the late DFLs, who are probably going to get p...

A strong visual always nails the concept. "A man alone with his thoughts lives in a crowded house" —Don Juan Castaneda,  "Conversations With Maestro Sevende Sandia" Seconds before the start I realized I’d left my hand-held back in the car, a quarter-mile away. Holy Shit! So I sprinted back, got it, and burst through the start. And everybody had gone. This was a definite first, a DFL start with Boner Mileage. It was a fitting preview bookend to my 10:00:35 DFL finish *. The start was a clear, calm and very cold 28F start, a sharp drop from the balmy 44F at home. All you Midwesterners can go fuck, it's SoCal. I was feeling totally naked, and only half-afraid. It was so cold, that even the venerable John Vanderpot wore long pants. Ultra-couture aside, staying ahead of cutoffs at this late stage was my only goal. Say goodbye to my little friend As this is a physical sport, your body makes its wishes known clearly. Gwyneth Paltrow should take note.  At ...