Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Havana, 2018   Today is the 40th anniversary of the death of Che Guevara. Fidel Castro has always preferred dead heroes to living rivals, and Che was no exception. To frame it in American terms, imagine the following: Bill Clinton and Al Gore are comrades in arms, or W and Dick Cheney. You decide. In any event... Bill and Al have a colossal falling out over the direction of world revolution. Al leaves the country with other members of his staff and cabinet. He goes to a desperately poor English-speaking country to foment revolution as an outsider—against ALL the rules that had defined a guerilla struggle. Let's say that country is Belize. the local inhabitants view the Army as a menace, and the presence of the outsider to be an additional threat. When the Army comes and asks "where are the foreigners?" and the villagers point. Now two threats are removed. Al is at the end of his rope after 11 months, and has lost 100lbs. He can barely stand for his captors, and within 12 ...

Kurt Waldheim died this week at the ripe old age of 88. Just before he died he told his gathered family at the bedside that he regretted not being invited to the White House, where he could give Dick Cheney Hermann Goering's Reich Marshal's uniform.

"I can tell all of you we are really excited by this, and we'll all have to take our turn with this amazing item." Bucky Kibble III, Llano CA The Famed Eberhardt-Kranken Fabrikant Travel Trailer The EKF is an honored name in luxury recreational vehicles. Originally designed in 1921 and built in Austria, the original EKF Model I was a 4-meter, 2-wheel-duraluminum trailer towed behind a 3-cylinder Opel Kadett. When the trailer was set up, it deployed oleo-strutted shock absorbers, which earned the undying affections of the thousands of honeymooning couples that took to the autobahn. The initials EKF quickly became known as "Eine Kleinischen Fuckshäcke", a moniker the company never fully disowned nor discouraged. The Depression put a major crimp in sales, and the growing war-footing of the Nazi economy siphoned off all production to the recreational arm of the Wehrmacht. By 1944 Allied bombing nearly finished off the company. Immediately after war...

Koma bar, little tokyo, LA CA. February 1980. Dear Editors: I never thought I'd be writing to you about something like this. I always used to think that this happened to other guys.  Anyway, I was out in Malibu on Spring Break several weeks ago from Rump-Roast College in Indiana. I didn't know anybody really so I thought I'd go to the beach and try my luck with the local betties. Things were looking pretty bad. It took a hell of a long time to park my dad's car, and I finally got a space hear a fireplug for ten bucks. Score! Then I nearly dropped the car keys into the urinal. But anyway, I had just woken up from a nap when I felt eyes upon me. I turned around and saw the most awesomely stacked green-eyed blonde babe I had ever laid eyes on. I was drawn irresistably to her firm, swelling breasts and hard perky nipples which were insistently thrusting through her low-cut Pep Boys t-shirt. Her long, smooth tanned legs went from the ground all the way up to her in...