Posts

Weasel Jizz Pale Ale

Image
" ...grab the mic and get dumb "   Weasel Jizz Pale Ale . Born in 1991 at D&L Holistic Industries. Schlong ago, when ultras were semi-wrinkled, and results were in black & white.   Back before Orange Mud rocket packs were a hallucination. This is the Origin Story of D&L Holistic Industries-- who launched products that would Redefine Ultras, And Shit®™.   Weasel Jazz Pale Ale. SpoogeBuilder. Iguana-Turdz NRG Bars. The list goes on for at least two or three seconds. "If you can dream it, you can do it" said Kenny while frying a hockey-puck burger in front of the Rose Bowl. Allegedly. Weasel Jizz Pale Ale was the Elder Gawd of success brews that later generations of influencers tried to imitate. Butt failed. Many logs have been dropped in this futile pursuit. . #weasel #jizz #INFLUENCER #ultras #norefunds #burntcoin

Mineral King

Image
Sawtooth Peak from the back side Mineral King had already experienced hard-rock mining, timber extraction, sheepherding, and somehow managed to stagger into the mid 20th-century relatively intact. Its been way too long since I've been back up there. I've been there backpacking, trailrunning and backcountry ski-touring. Next to King's Canyon, its the best California has to offer. The proposed Disney Mineral King ski resort would have been an environmental catastrophe. In 1989 I took a ski avalanche workshop from Dave Beck, one of the original snow rangers Disney hired to do snow survey. Mineral King is an avalanche zone from any angle. Dave said that half of the slopes in the main L-shaped valley were unstable on a good day. The few cabins and mule-barn are located in the few stable areas. Secondly, the valley and surrounding peaks create an inversion layer that would trap all smog and particulates from the proposed resort. The geology of the valley would also not be able to

Vietnam 2023 Cartomancy

Image
  Someone might get lucky, sometime. This is a continuation of last year's posts . This post has nothing to do with ultras, or any of that. Cartomancy, the four suits:     Spades represent challenging tasks or events coming in the future.     Hearts are about feelings, family, home, love, and relationships.     Clubs represent positive things that are coming in the near future.     Diamonds are all about money and finances. Nov 9 2023 8 of Diamonds: Surprise romance or travel later in life 9 of Clubs: New admirer or opportunities, warning against stubbornness 10 of Clubs: Unexpected money, travel I found these cards in the seasoning stacked-firewood yard of a traditional wood-fired ceramic factory we were visiting. Last year I found a discarded bong, used for smoking the "knock you on your ass" Thuoc Lao ; literally Laotian Tobacco. Its a Vietnam thing. When I tried it in 2019, I choked like a little girl. And I used to smoke a lot, in Ancient Days. But since no trip is l

"You're smart, make us some money on TV"

Image
  "You're smart, make us some money on TV" That was my then-wife in 1984. We were broke. Our freelance design/pasteup clients had dried up. The TV was on all day, from 7am to 11pm at night. Which meant daytime television, and game shows. She thought since I knew a lot of stuff, having read books, I could ace it. Sure. I was broke enough to think that. So I started making calls to find out how it worked. Which led to auditions for $20,000 Pyramid, and Wheel of Fortune.   $20,000 Pyramid The Pyramid audition in an anonymous conference room somewhere, with about 30-40 people. Everyone had to stand up and give the elevator-pitch. Oh shit. Now I was sweating. My turn came, I stood up, and blathered something that was like a tire going flat on the roadside. Now I got a master-class in Game Show Auditions. First was a quietly elegant 50ish woman, emerald-green shirtwaist dress, hair pulled back in a French Twist. "Hello, I'm [X]. I became fascinated by nouvelle cuisine,

Hardly Boys And The Mystery Of The Stroka Bots

Image
Here’s my WR Kit. “Think what I’ve done for the sport…” I'm closing in on 5,000 miles. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. So much so that I need a FAST BOOST! Technology, narcissism and a credit card are gonna give it ALL to me. #StayHardly* This mystery is tailor-made for the Hardly Boys. And their sidekick Nancy "Drew The Short Straw." But all is about to change. She's fed up with being an apostrophe in a a high-asterisk occupation. The Hardly Boys just don't see her for what she is. She's not getting any. Frank Hardly has several drinks too many one night. "So, uh, Nancy, you like to play Tag, right? Well, how about tag... TEAM??" <crickets> Nancy stubs out her Lucky. She looks at Frank. ”You think I was bone yesterday?” ”You mean ‘born’, right?” ”No shit, Sherlock. I said BONE. Draw your own conclusions” Frank's eyes glaze over when he sees the Cuban fishnets. He wants to call his brother Joe Hardly, but knows he's at the weekly Rick Astley VR Zoom

AC100: 2023 Is A Matter Of Course

Image
The 2023 Notional AC100. The venerable Angeles Crest stumbled into 2023 with a finally redone website.  Congrats! Most of the photos are bright and shiny, and non-synchronous to actual locations. However, it's a considerable improvement. No idea if the signup is as buggy and weird as it was when the Next Day Lotto was unleashed several years ago. Everyone Has A Plan… RACE CANCELLED FOR 2023: SKIP TO THE END The Race has been able to rejoin its point-to-point origins, with continued mods by fire and bio-edict. RIP incinerated Mountain Yellow-Legged Frog [MYLF]. 2022's out-&-back is now an asterisk in the rear-view mirror. The new course map and descriptions are confusing. It was deja vu to 1990 for me all over again, only in color.  Map shows a Chantry pass-thru, while text indicates an out-n-back from Red Box to Newcombs, then up the Kenyon Devore over Mt Wilson. Thence over the top down to Idle Hour, to its eventual conclusion at Loma Alta in Altadena CA. Any Kenyon Devor

FKT, WR? NGAF

Image
Nobody gives a fuck about your FKT or World Record. Nobody gives a fuck about your FKT or World Record. Seriously. Both are stunts on a continuum. In Before Times, a John Muir Trail FKT was the Holy Grail. Sometime in the 90s Blake Wood did it out of curiosity, having backpacked it with his dad over ten times as a teen. Fast forward to now. Why anyone would want to race thru spectacular Sierra topography is beyond me. But they do. There have been some hilarious misfires on JMT FKT's , one noted here. Actual races, on a defined course, with a disinterested party running the clock is where bullshit gets taken to the woodshed. This is also where the Last Man Standing idea is brutally savage. World Records are a different animal. Like how many London cabs can you jump over with a pogo stick sort of thing. Things you can argue about while drinking. The Guardian keeps an eye on this . Sharp minds have seen ways to game that genre. World Records are a personal obsession that is bent to mo