Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Mere moments before I did my first ultra, Sept 1989. I was at a wedding several summers back and a handsome young dude asked me "don't you ever wish you were young and beautiful like me?" I looked at him, thinking, "...sure." But I answered him "Billy, play your cards right, and you can be old and ugly like me." This wasn't the answer he expected.  But I deal in the unexpected. Have a seat. Oh very young, what will you leave us this time? I see your fresh faces thundering down the trail in your most Recent Race Shirt. You're young and enthusiastic. It's springtime, and Ultras are magical. Your Luck Bag is full, and your Injury Bag is empty.  As it should be. In time, typically about five seasons, you'll look around and suddenly wonder "who the fuck are all these new people?" They'll be wearing their own styles, carrying gear that is different from yours, and probably look at your flat-brimmed trucker ...

A BRIEF FORWARD , by Dr Erasmus Binkster Canada has given the United States many things. That's because Canadians are naturally generous. For instance: Peter Jennings, Dan Aykroyd, Celine Dion, Wayne Gretzky, France Jolie. And Canadians are so generous, they only want Wayne Gretzky back. We can keep the rest. Including Avril Lavigne.   Avril wrote a song, nay, epic poetry that speaks to the fragrant heart of ultrarunning. No kidding. Here it is. I'm sure you may see yourselve[s] in this dainty ballad.   PS All of you out there with 15 year old daughters can skip the pop-quiz at the end. G8R Boi [with insincere apologies to Avril Lavigne] He was a trail-boy, she was, like, a 10k girl   Can I, like, make it any more obvious?   He was a trail punk, she did road 10ks   Like, What more can I say?   He'd like to do her, she'd never tell,  secretly she wanted his trail-jerky self as well.   But all of her friends hiked up their tights   They h...