Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Julie Andrews would be proud. Sunburn on noses and black flies that’ve bitten Bottles run dry and woods that I’ve shit in, Rattlers coiled up and ready to sing These are a few of my favorite things Comments on salt and trail-head poodles Hairballs and GU-packs and DNFs that are noodled, Lo-mileage coaches that fly on their wings These are a few of my favorite things Long tortured debates on mountain money, Why LEDs and flashlights are so gosh-darn funny! Early departures from motel bed-springs These are a few of my favorite things When the dog bites When the bee stings When I'm feeling sad I simply channel my favorite Ultra things And then I don't feel so bad [originally written May 2005]

A BRIEF FORWARD , by Dr Erasmus Binkster Canada has given the United States many things. That's because Canadians are naturally generous. For instance: Peter Jennings, Dan Aykroyd, Celine Dion, Wayne Gretzky, France Jolie. And Canadians are so generous, they only want Wayne Gretzky back. We can keep the rest. Including Avril Lavigne.   Avril wrote a song, nay, epic poetry that speaks to the fragrant heart of ultrarunning. No kidding. Here it is. I'm sure you may see yourselve[s] in this dainty ballad.   PS All of you out there with 15 year old daughters can skip the pop-quiz at the end. G8R Boi [with insincere apologies to Avril Lavigne] He was a trail-boy, she was, like, a 10k girl   Can I, like, make it any more obvious?   He was a trail punk, she did road 10ks   Like, What more can I say?   He'd like to do her, she'd never tell,  secretly she wanted his trail-jerky self as well.   But all of her friends hiked up their tights   They h...

Neil Young, another famous Canadian, once wrote a song that made him a lot of $US, and he'll be singing it at the wedding of Avril Lavigne and that dude from Nickelback. Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2005 14:07:17 -0800 "Eminem Girl" I wanna live with an Eminem girl I could be happy the rest of my life With an Eminem girl. A trailer & tattoos I run in the night You see us together, Bouncing the rent check, My Eminem girl. I can't hear when she axes. How the hell do I know? I'm confused on the factses, Its crank or its blow, She's my Eminem girl. A trailer & tattoos I run in the night You see us together, Bouncing the rent check, My Eminem girl. Got drunk, really plowed, Back home we called it a cow Oh boy! I got in her pants Turns out she was a man, Yeah...yeah...yeah.

Shit blows up, especially when you're smug and clueless. (Updated Jan 5, 2013) I love it when Hollywood assholes get lost in the mountains. It's right in line with "I HEART the planet" bumperstickers you see on their SUVs. Note: I also love seeing GOP lobbyists and Christian Taliban getting popped on morals and corruption charges too. There is no free lunch here. Back to the main point. This was too rich to ignore, from the February 8, 2005 LA Times. The Talmudic Annotations are in CAPS , for your conceptual pleasures. ============ February 8, 2005 CALIFORNIA 2 Hikers' Return Ends Search I READ THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY... Crews weary from four rescues are relieved to see the pair walk down from Mt. Baldy. LOOKING FOR WUV, IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES -------- By Lance Pugmire and Janet Wilson, Times Staff Writers -------- Two hikers - a Hollywood screenwriter and the son of "Designing Women" actress Annie Potts STRIKE TEAM DELTA, STR...