Hollywood Knightz On Mt Baldy
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| Shit blows up, especially when you're smug and clueless. |
(Updated Jan 5, 2013)
I love it when Hollywood assholes get lost in the mountains. It's right in line with "I HEART the planet" bumperstickers you see on their SUVs. Note: I also love seeing GOP lobbyists and Christian Taliban getting popped on morals and corruption charges too. There is no free lunch here.
Back to the main point. This was too rich to ignore, from the February 8, 2005 LA Times. The Talmudic Annotations are in CAPS, for your conceptual pleasures.
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February 8, 2005
CALIFORNIA
2 Hikers' Return Ends Search
I READ THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY...Crews weary from four rescues are relieved to see the pair walk down from Mt. Baldy.
LOOKING FOR WUV, IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES
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By Lance Pugmire and Janet Wilson, Times Staff Writers
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Two hikers - a Hollywood screenwriter and the son of "Designing Women" actress Annie Potts
STRIKE TEAM DELTA, STRIKE TEAM DELTA!
walked down from Mt. Baldy on Monday afternoon, 18 hours after they were reported missing.
A 3-HOUR TOUR...
Jonathan Lemkin, 43, and Clay Senechal, 23, both of Los Angeles, walked into the Mount Baldy firehouse unharmed and said, "We're here," stunning rescuers gathered there.
CUT TO: "THERE WENT OUR FUCKING WEEKEND, LOSERS!"
Their arrival was a relief to the weary rescuers, who had set out at dawn Monday after making four high-mountain rescues in the previous 48 hours.
NOW WE CAN HOLD YOU UPSIDE DOWN AND SEE WHAT FALLS OUT OF YOUR WALLET?
"It's just been the hardest day of my life, but it's a happy ending.
NEXT TO BEING DROPPED ON OUR HEADS...
I'm just thankful my son is back," a teary-eyed Potts said after being reunited with Senechal, her son with director B. Scott Senechal.
A STORY CONFERENCE THAT RAN LONG
"I guess this is what you get for teaching your children to be independent and brave."
NOT TO MENTION A.D.D AND "SITUATIONALLY OBLIVIOUS"
The pair told friends they intended to hike Mt. Baldy's icy peaks,
SET IPOD TO STYX IN HEAVY ROTATION
about 40 miles northeast of downtown Los Angeles, for a few hours Sunday. When they didn't return by 7 p.m., family members notified authorities.
"WE'RE CONCERNED FOR THE CHILDREN, AS WELL AS THE 'LITTLE PEOPLE' THAT THEY MAY HAVE TAKEN AN ENCHANTED SIDE TRIP DOWN LYTLE CREEK"
Senechal tried to make a cellphone call about 6 p.m. Sunday, but the call didn't go through because of the limited cell range
UNLIMITED NITE AND WEEKEND MINUTES, FER SURE
on Mt. Baldy, which at 10,064 feet is the tallest peak in the San Gabriel Mountains.
NEVER MIND THE BIGHORN THAT WAS WRASSLIN' WITH HIS TROU
On Monday morning, a friend of the pair who had recently hiked in the same area with Lemkin set out on the trail in search of them. Kyle Millsap, 41, of Los Angeles said he was concerned because of the "steep, dangerous, icy" conditions he and Lemkin had encountered two weeks earlier.
"ALL THAT ICE, AND NO MRS T'S, NO SALT, NO CUERVO!"
"I just kept hollering for them, and then I saw them hiking back in," Millsap said.
I SEE STUPID PEOPLE
"They were very happy to see me.
HE WAS UNARMED
They said they had seen two helicopters earlier and started waving, but the guys couldn't see them."
NOW IF THEY'D BEEN 400LBS AND BLEEDING, MAYBE THINGS WOULDA BEEN DIFFERENT
Millsap said the two men became stranded on a steep, ice-covered peak in heavy fog and snow early Sunday evening.
"GOSH, THE FLYER SAID THE RAVE WAS UP HERE...SOMEWHERE!"
"They got up there, around the 8,500-foot mark,
THE CONTOUR LINES WERE OBSCURED
and pretty much got lost because of the conditions of the fog, the snow and the dark," Millsap said.
MALLORY'S BLEACHED ARM POINTED TOWARDS THE SUMMIT
"They were stranded and didn't want to start walking around when they couldn't see the trail.
OH BEHAVE!
So they just strapped themselves in,
PITCHER, CATCHER...AH...WHAT THE HELL!
and even slept a little until dawn."
THE KILLER AWOKE BEFORE DAWN, HE PUT HIS BIGHORN HAT ON...
Lemkin and Senechal told authorities they had been "very cold," said San Bernardino County sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Beavers.
"ONE WISE-CRACK AND IT'S MR TASER FOR YOU, YOUNG MAN!"
For the most part, the pair declined to comment about their adventure.
UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO COME UP WITH THE FUNDING, THEN ITS 2 POINTS ON THE BACK END.
Lemkin hopped in his green Range Rover,
WHICH ELICITS MY DEEPEST SYMPATHIES
which was left at the base of the Baldy trail, and said, "Now everything's good."
"YEP, HAD A BUNCHA REGULAR GUYS OUT THERE LOOKIN' FOR MY HOLLYWOOD ASS"
Lemkin, whose writing credits include the films "The Devil's Advocate"
REMEMBER "MEET THE DUMBFUCKERS"
and "Lethal Weapon 4,"
"PASSION OF THE FLEISS"
has also written for the TV series "Beverly Hills 90210,"
WHERE SHANNON DOHERTY "GOES OFF BELAY"
"21 Jump Street"
GOING UNDERCOVER AT ONTARIO MILLS
and "Hill Street Blues."
OH, THE HAUNTING REFRAIN OF THE CAUCASIAN BONAFONE
This year started out in far less deadly fashion than last year on the area's major peaks,
A GOOD YEAR FOR ADVANCING UP THE SIERRA CLUB GROUP-LEADER LADDER!
with no reported hiking fatalities so far.
LESS EXCITING THAN A GOOD FREEWAY CAR CHASE
ALL THOSE XMAS GIFTS, UNUSED, FORLORN....
including two on Mt. Baldy.
"I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD!"
Last month, three people died after falling into Mt. Baldy's roaring San Antonio Creek, swollen by torrential rains and rapid snowmelt.
CHEAPER THAN GOING TO "RAGING WATERS"
"It's all ice up there right now. It's just frozen solid," said sheriff's Sgt. Dennis Shaffer.
"HOW COME I NEVER GET TO RESCUE THE STARLETS? JUST THESE DUMBFUCK GUYS?"
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