Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

I was a Flower of the Insta yes when I put emoji in my post like the Installusian girls used or shall I post a heart yes and how he Liked me on his timeline Yes and I thought swell as well Bot as another and then I Liked him with my Likes to Like again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my Insta flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my tags all influence yes and his post was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.  

Eventually all AC100 entrants will be in this category The Solo Division was announced with great fanfare after the 2014 AC100 Race. When this concept was introduced, I saw text  suggesting strongly that solo runners would increase each year, and the non-solos would be correspondingly reduced, so that by 2020 it would all be Solo. Of course, then there would be no useless and annoying spectators, right? Boom! Problem solved! Now the runner could compete under Pelican Bay Ultra Club Rules—and not take any aid from family, friends, groupies, or even people he or she owed money to. Doing so would be a lightning DQ. 
The incentive for this that you could sign up an hour earlier than the regular scrum . 
You think I'm shitting you, right? 

in the meantime I'm waiting to see how the AC100 Lottery is going to play out. I predict it will go something like this: it will occur the Tuesday after close of Race 10:35 AM in a remote, unverifiable location somewhere between Wr...

Julie Andrews would be proud. Sunburn on noses and black flies that’ve bitten Bottles run dry and woods that I’ve shit in, Rattlers coiled up and ready to sing These are a few of my favorite things Comments on salt and trail-head poodles Hairballs and GU-packs and DNFs that are noodled, Lo-mileage coaches that fly on their wings These are a few of my favorite things Long tortured debates on mountain money, Why LEDs and flashlights are so gosh-darn funny! Early departures from motel bed-springs These are a few of my favorite things When the dog bites When the bee stings When I'm feeling sad I simply channel my favorite Ultra things And then I don't feel so bad [originally written May 2005]

Metaphor of my heroic struggle. Santa Barbara, Feb 1980. Film makers will shit a brick and die when they learn about the 2015 SKT Trail Running Movie . Its a documentary about me, dammit. Yes, my heroic metaphoric struggle for world dominance—at the 2015 Sean O’Brien 50 —pushing a shopping cart. With a thundering musical soundtrack too. Maybe with a stray dog at a dark finish line. You'll see me: ...looking at the camera   ... recounting a teachable moment   ... digging deep, hiking the vert, busting the gnar, running my own race   ... cracking manly jokes   ... flirting w Aid-station hotties who are wearing balconette pushup halter-tops and 4” Maximum Drop CMFMs. And it's pouring rain. Don't ask why . ... bagging on elite dewds, etc for being over- talented, skinny punks Cutaways to random various girlfriends looking regretful. Diversity alert: Mexican girls commenting casually in Spanish, no subtitles. Mariachi music. Aid station convoy entourage,...

haiku for winter trailrunning by Sri Roshi Mahand Isfast. Title in all lower case means its very sensitive and concerned.  Trail snow is gnar, dude. Microspikes scrape ice — surprise! Airborne panic… why? Sri Roshi Mahand Isfast flourished in the Late Hentai Period of the Gyoza Shogunate. He is believed to have lived and practiced in the Gojira Prefecture.

Facebook banner ad for D&L Holistic Industries social-media rollout D&L Holistic Industries is a proud sponsor of the SKT Accelerated Method used by the   SKT Ribbon-Chasers  and the SKT Cutoff Chasers to organically created individually tailored success modules. This is based on results-oriented transformative cognitive dissonance to refine the techniques and output for mentoring capacities. SKT Technologies is a fully-accredited entity.  Offshore Vacuum Party Ltd Gmbh is a proud thought-partner in this process. 

Finisher belt-buckle for the obscure cultic "URFKT100" 100-mile trail race. Hello, fun-hogs! As we all know, Americans don't likes to pronounce names that require any additional effort outside the HFCS Food Groups. So, in recent conversations with Dr Casino Bingo, we decided to fix that problem. Of course there are shakedown "feeder" races, so runners can "pre-qualify", before they dominate and/or crush the respective courses. The Körnhole 100 is based on the classic Kornhole 69 Hr Track Run.  This rugged finisher's buckle is crafted from select off-cuts of All-American CX 3/4" plywood. Hand-tooled by D&L Holistic Industries' doe-eyed eco-femmes, in the offshore tax-havens of the Bang Slap Archipelago.  INCOMPLETE RACE INFO: Height Categories: Dwarf, Average, and Too Damn Tall Weight: Anorexic, Uneasy-About-It, Love Handles & Roll-Overs, and Truck-Scale Worthy. Length: Guys, I suspec...

An office romance explores the differences between men's and women's notions of sexuality.

"La Paloma de Alba" This lovely two-piece bib overall mermaid gown has delicate, feminine details throughout. From the hand-beaded, antique-finish nickel hardware brooch detail on the sweetheart bodice, to the cascading rose at the hip, it is a gorgeous dress for the modern bride. Field-Tested, multiple tool and utility pockets. Faux-braided ribbon closure at back; breakaway honeymoon closure on side. Made of 11.75-ounce, 100% denim cotton, with triple-stitched main seams, satin-polyester facings and taffeta trim material. Also available in Nomex®™. Shown in Sandstone. Available in Moss, Dark Green and Enhanced Black.

Barbarella is simultaneously a quaint artifact and and the edgy progenitor of the modern graphic novel. The iconography successfully incorporates elements of Jules Verne and the Nouvelle Vague in a retro science-fiction dreamscape. Many of the elements in the novel have been worked over ad infinitum—the leggy heroine who is a determined hedonista; but other classic ingredients of French erotic fiction are well used—court intrigue, betrayal, awkward situations, and the boundless capacity of humans to plunge blindly in pursuit of pleasure. I hadn't read "Barbarella" in over 35 years. It was interesting to see what I'd remembered, and find out what I didn't see back in my weedy youth. Good times all around!

Old spirits to the New Year. A legacy presentation from the Mr Trail Safety KunstSchriftArkiv. This originally appeared in The Journal of CryptoAethnology, Winter 1999.   Part 1 The snow lay in a crisp white blanket on the ground. The trees were shrouded in ice rime and crystals. One's breath hung in the air in silver wreaths. The outlines of the trees were like silhouettes cut by a happy child with way too much time on it's hands with a dull razor. It was so quiet you could hear a bird fart. And smell it too. But all this was far far away from our hirsute Forest Prince. Where he was living, the semi-tropical air wafted in through the glass louvers, bringing in the warm damp vapors of the great outdoors and carrying with it outside remembrance of his morning pot of coffee and chili. He stood in the kitchen, with his distinctively shaggy short squatty legs sticking out of a pair of oversize canvas shorts, his rotund gut spilling over the top of his "69" belt buckle he...

This was originally dramatized on the Wanker Network, Autumn 1999.   Prologue du Bois   Our portly, avuncular, geezer-Brit sits in a large wing chair. His fingers are steepled and he contemplates, you, the audience with a smirk. It is presumed we are in his living room at the family estate, Wowzer Hall in Jamaica. " Tonight's narrative concerns the rhythmic intersection of privilege and vigour as our dynamic protagonist, a class of high-caste female graduate literature students, and a middle-aged naif all collide one summer afternoon in a college classroom. Let us begin our story with the Aulde Forest Prince. He is outside on the College Green, riding a lawn tractor. And thus we begin..." Whirring and cutting of the mower-blades released heady green aroma. The blue clouds of rich oily gasoline fumes blended together into a ritualistic summer perfume, dispersing into the early rising heat of the verdant summer morning. The lush and fertile campus of the Biddle-Barrows...

...Height & Weight Divisions Well now, time-challenged kampers! We've opened the Mother Lode of All List Topics®™ on this one. Let's cut right to the chase! Here is a brief summary of various Divisions that will be ***firmly*** in place for the '01 KornHole Klassic 69hr Track Run. Height Categories: Dwarf, Average, and Too Damn Tall Weight: Anorexic, Uneasy-About-It, Love Handles & Roll-Overs, and Truck-Scale Worthy. Length: Guys, I suspect that this category will be most rife with obfuscations, hedgings, and outright cheating. Applicants/claimants will argue [invariably] that it all depends on who's doing the "examinations". With that said, here goes. [music sfx: cue up Ron Jeremy] Peewee, Piddling, Dull-Normal, "I'm Feeling Good", and "Too Much of A Good Thing". [For those unclear on the concept, here *is* a difference between 9 inches and 9 centimeters]. Just so no one complains of being left out, for the ladies and the guys ...

Egregious and desperate measures commonplace here at the Hellmouth 100 Hellmouth 100-Mile Endurance Fun Run and Dog Jog For the Third Straight Year, since 1998 of the Last Century, the Hellmouth 100 is here for our benefit alone. But U-2-Can-Join-The-Hellmouth-100 Family. At the hip [NTB], if necessary. Here it is! The race starts at 12:00pm sharp, Aug Sept 19 2000 from the fabulous BoehnerDome Mojado County Fairgrounds, 10001 E Milspec Thruway, Hellmouth CA EXPLOITATIVE INTRODUCTION Picking your first 100 is a big decision. You will find out many things. For instance: You might discover that legal representation before, during and after the event may be necessary. But let's not dwell on that right yet. Many races are touted as a good "first time". So are the sisters of a lot of really scary guys. The humididty of Vermont, the poison oak at Western, the potentials for building a great rock collection at Wasatch, the nose-shattering aridity at Leadville,...

* The 23rd Psalm. Abridged and embroidered by Lady G, (with apologies to the King James Krewe)   The Forest Prince Is My Pacer, I shall not Bonk. He maketh me lie down in the Gu-spot, And I complaineth not. He maketh me do the wild thing, And I shall not falter. He anointeth my lips with SUCCEED! And I DNF-eth not. I scampereth naked down the Trails of Life, And I am not spanked (well, maybe later). I gather to my bosom the Jaybirds of the field, And verily, the Forest Prince is pleased. For he is the tall wood that crowneth the hill-top, And of righteous girth is his timber. And I shall dwell on this in rapture, For this, and the Rest of my Posts. ORN: Avoided the nettles today, maybe tomorrow.