Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

It made sense at the time. Rollin' Away the Stone: Year Zero-Six I: Alles Kaputt The bungee cord of recovered memory took me back. Back to the opening scenes of the powerful film "Das Bööty" , where the lanky Herr Kapitan G of U-812 was studying the world through the powerful ZeissOptikon Periskop. He'd been stalking the elusive "Convoy Odalisque" for several days--the round-bottomed freighters were tempting, but he had to wait for the proper moment. Little Dieter the radioman was monitoring the convoy signals. Suddenly he began to pick up the cluster LS-MFT...LS-MFT...LS-MFT. A distress call broadcast in the clear. Herr Kapitan G 's commands were curt, with no schwitters. "Es ist total alte Schule...senken Sie den Periscope" The periscope retracted swiftly to the deck as the klaxon brayed its 2-note "Muff-diving! Muff-diving!" alert. The Bosun bellowed "Prepare torpedoes!" The swift and deadly Mark VI...

The Little Rose Bowl Float that Did   Actually, what WAS awesome was yesterday's Rose Bowl Parade. Sharp-eyed specators saw the late entry and insertion of the fabled Forest Prince Float, brought to you by D&L Industries.  The 100m float featured a lazily recumbent 50ft high Ye Auld Forest Prince himself, winking at the spectators while nymphs and Trail Betties danced about his startlingly realistic Jade Stalk, as they took turns giving him what was described in the press release as a "hands behind the head knobber"  The float rocked to the thumping and wheezing of the High Country Rump-Wrangler Latex Marching Band from Tom Of Finland, Wyoming as they played "Hot for Teacher" "Take A Walk on the WIld Side" and "La Grange".   Regis Philbin and Ryan Seacrest were stunned speechless by this float, while Stephanie Edwards was observed mopping her brow and loosening her collar even though she was outside under an umbrella in the pouring rain....

The rescheduled SGM50k was run under perfect conditions this past Saturday. For those laboring under sleeting conditions elsewhere, now would be a good time to ignore the following paragraphs. RD Jim O'Brien has designed the San Gabriel Mtn 50k to take full advantage of the vertical delights of Mt Wilson. The course is largely absent of debilitating flat stretches, which can only lead the unwary into the snares and traps of complacency. How many flat loops can any sane person do? How much frozen Hoosier mud does anybody need in this short life? I'm certain that many people asked themselves these questions. Runners got off to a scenic start from the top of Mt Wilson. A scenic view of Catalina Island and the blue Pacific beckoned off to the south, but many had their focus on PowerBars, splits, Gu and future glory. Tom Nielsen hung back in the parking lot, by accident or design is not clear. Perhaps it was too crowded at the start. In any event, a full 90 seconds had elapsed befor...

In which a Race Report is filed regarding the San Gabriel Mtns 50k. REPORT HIGHLIGHTS: ***Life's A Bitch, then you finish uphill. ***Some runners were drinking Aid Station beer ***Why STUFF Magazine is totally cool ***Blatant Attempted Puppet Abduction ***S&R Dogs that Drink Beer and Find Amorous Couples in the Wild ***RD Jim O'Brien has a twisted sense of humor ***Ian Torrence & Jennifer Johnston win like last year. So much for the highlights. Now is the hard-hitting report that everybody has been waiting for. What....really happens at an end-stage aid station? The morning dawned clear and cold. Perky weather indicators were in evidence everywhere at the start. The sun rose and not a moment too soon for the shivering heroes. WIth a shout and whoop, they were off and the Mt Zion Aid Station Krewe begins its descent. Chucky the Cheez-Kutting Kougar lives nearby, and has missed the company of chubby hikers due to the recent closure of the Chantry Flats Picnic Area. As bef...