Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Mr Trail Safety. Mr. Trail Safety first emerged in 1995 during the last golden age of the fabled ULTRA@LISTSERV.DARTMOUTH.EDU, out of Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. It was text only, no attachments, no #hashtags, supposedly no flaming, but tempers ran hot anyway. These posts grew out of my smart-ass self who was already over the distant trumpets of why “Ultrarunning Is Calling, And I Must Run” Pentacostalism. It was the Age of “What Is An Ultra?” and of course the Great Salt Wars, where hours and bandwidth were clear-cut in the search for immutable truths. Mr. Trail Safety asked pointed questions aimed at sport blowhards and mercenary frauds. Other posts made advocacy points. And of course there was physical comedy running through the whole mess. In the end, the aim was to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable — while being as hallucinatory as possible. Any comparisons to Hunter S. Thompson and Molly Ivins are cheerfully acknowledged. They taught me all th...

First unleashed Tue, 12 Jun 2001 18:32:07 -0700 Runners, Fellow Listers, thank you, thank you! You are all *so* wonderful, I don't where to start...or stop! :) First, I want to thank Gawd®. Nothing Compares 2-U. You are the Race Director of Life, in the Biggest Ultra Of Them All! I want to see what kind of buckles *He* hands out!!! Secondly...I want to thank my training partners. Yes, every one of you! You know who you are...don't pretend! I know the parts where I shared with you about my work and tax issues...it's a brand new day! My new kidney is doing well too...what with ebay and a billion Chinese, now there's a combo!!! Third, I'd like to thank all of the really "velocity-challenged" out there who made me look *really* good. I couldn't have done it without you. Also all of you who were busy hiding in the bushes because of the pre-race chili...you have my sympathies. I made up at least 10 places. Vol...

Somewhere out on the WS100 Course, June 1993. Note: This post was originally unleashed to the UltraList on  December 10, 2011 12:11:26 PM PST Not only is this still largely relevant to WS100, but practically every other major 100 in the US, right now. Times have changed, and things need to be rethought. Hello, fun-hogs! Yes, its that time of year when thousands of anxious WS100 hopefuls agonize over whether or not they're in the magic circle. Are they 3-time losers in the 2nd degree? Nominated and EZ-Passed due to Extraordinary Accomplishments or somesuch? Busted out a 50-miler somewhere on a 2% downhill course? Probably not. So lets go down to the killing floor, and go to work. Here are some ideas. COMPLETELY ELIMINATE the 50-mile race requirement. This is dead meat, and has been festering like a zombie with bad manners for way too long. The new baseline qualifier would be a *FIVE prior 100-mile finishes* requirement. Yes, this is harsh. And pay phones are gone foreve...

Get in, sit down and shut up. A long time back, many dog-years ago in 1997, we rolled out the the UltraWhining Checklist [Golden Showers Beta Version]. But...a whole new crop of contendahs have sprung up, and institutional memory fades. The role of the Internet has radically shifted the Dialog Paradigms ®™. It's now YouR Website-R-U. So here, a somewhat updated Klassic for your delectation. And if you are easily offended, read thru to the bottom and get your money's worth. Ultra-Whining Checklist 3.0 I attribute my DNF(s) to the following reasons: (if there are additional causes, use the back of this form) Ia. Early Years My formative years were dramatically warped by the following: 1) I was dropped on my head as a child. 2) My past life as Cleopatra was miserable. 3) Demons were a regular part of home life. 4) I was allergic to beets. 5) I was tragically misunderstood. 6) My invisible playmates always abandoned me. Good. Now we are getting somewhere. ...

This could be you. Have a nice day. I originally posted this in 1999 or so. It has a long shelf-life and the mouth-feel is still wonderful. Recently there have been a spate of anguished "drops" from the UltraList regarding content, tone, and suitability of the message, if not the messenger. Inasmuch as the majority of these messages appear to be from relative newcomers to the sport, or the List, some clarifications are necessary. I want to thank Suzi Shearer and Laurie Staton for their historical reviews of basic Ultra Facts, such as "Grand Slam" info and other epistolary nuggets they kindly shared out amongst all of us. Be glad they paid attention to your requests...they are wonderful people with busy lives of their own. Also: The List is not a 7-11 One-Stop Info-Dump Carry-Out designed to get Newbies thru "Baby's First Ultra". It is a bulletin board. Most of the posts are superfluous and meaningless. Some are even pretty funny, intentional...