Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

" ...grab the mic and get dumb "   Weasel Jizz Pale Ale . Born in 1991 at D&L Holistic Industries. Schlong ago, when ultras were semi-wrinkled, and results were in black & white.   Back before Orange Mud rocket packs were a hallucination. This is the Origin Story of D&L Holistic Industries-- who launched products that would Redefine Ultras, And Shit®™.   Weasel Jazz Pale Ale. SpoogeBuilder. Iguana-Turdz NRG Bars. The list goes on for at least two or three seconds. "If you can dream it, you can do it" said Kenny while frying a hockey-puck burger in front of the Rose Bowl. Allegedly. Weasel Jizz Pale Ale was the Elder Gawd of success brews that later generations of influencers tried to imitate. Butt failed. Many logs have been dropped in this futile pursuit. . #weasel #jizz #INFLUENCER #ultras #norefunds #burntcoin

Bandit 50k II.I Bandit 50k is a sleeper, tucked away in Simi Valley. Yeah, you're thinking "suburbia, ET, mommy-vans, etc". Hold up! This race will shank the unwary. Its fucking serious shit out there. Not a speck of cover, no water— but its race day, so you’re covered. All the smug "Cali Carpet Trails" dicks need that Ventura County schooling. We were lucky— generally cool and breezy. Today it’s raining like a bitch, so all that slick rock would go greasy on you in your hypothermic state. It starts and finishes in Corriganville Park, ex-Movie Ranch, which got its start in 1937. The sandstone boulder scenery is in countless movies and TV shows, that are now on Hulu etc. Enough ancient history, now I’m gonna bore you about my race. All you fast fuckers ran away from me, as if you owed me money. I was at least 30 places behind the talent, and they smoothed out the trail for me. Thank you. Ripped on technical trail and fire-roads, out the ass. There was a pave...