Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Apple refutes persistent claims that the new iPhones only work for hot vegan betties who hold them level like bonsai trays and coo into them while driving Mini-Coopers. 3 hours ago ======================== Mel Gibson holds solitary prayer vigil as Polanski's lawyers lose 11th-hour Swiss asylum bid for Lindsay Lohan. 16 hours ago ======================== Lindsay Lohan goes to jail! Officials scramble on capping and top-kill strategies. Meanwhile, Larry King, Droning Predator, dreams of taking to the skies again. Yesterday at 6:39am ======================== I offer my considerable expertise as a Certified Entropy Coach to help you miss your true potential, so you may squander your worth, and enter the next bardo completely at a loss. Pre-paid plans only, operators standing by. July 17 at 1:08pm ======================== Anthem-Blue Cross reportedly studying current North Korean medical practices to enhance profit delivery. July 16 at ...

Hi fans and haters out there! Dakota here! First, I want to apologize to any of my fans who were shocked that I appeared at NASCAR wearing that Farmer John t-shirt. I know I said something about being a vegetarian, I dunno… sometimes all a girl wants is a Dodger Dog, the kind that Plump When They Swell. You're being a hater. But I AM SO *EMBARASSED*, mmm-kay? I don't know what Dad was thinking. It's a mullet thing. Jurassic Love. Second, my Passage to Indio has taken a detour. I was going to look for Sam Sarah. I heard he, like, booked, and shit. Currently, I'm hiding in the fountain at the Americana on Brand here in Glendale. That's in Cali. Now I'm smoking my American Spirits, drinking organic half-n-half, and waiting for the Naturepedic Yoga Centre to open so I can realign my chi. Or chai. What-fucking-ev-er! BRB!!!! CU L8TR!!!

Millions of Californians went to the Super Tuesday Primary polls. You just fell asleep reading that. Too bad. You would've been wide awake voting for the I-96 "Whole Foods Casino Initiative". I-96 completely redefines gaming here in California. Ratifies amendment to existing gaming compact between state and Free Range Wholistic Bands of the Wasichu Nation(s); amendment would permit tribe to operate 3,000 additional slot machines in each central location of Santa Monica, Brentwood, Montecito, Hillsborough and Marin—with other locations to be determined. Omits certain projects from scope of California Environmental Quality Act, except the part about second-hand bong smoke; amendment provides for Tribal Environmental Impact Report and intergovernmental procedure to address environmental impact. BYO yoga mat. Specifies where revenue paid by tribe pursuant to amendment deposited; amendment requires tribe to make $20,000,000 annual payment and pay percentage of revenue ge...

After many years of sitting in movie theatres watching various Hollywood leavings, I've formulated The Three Laws Of Cinematic Science Fiction: 1] Primary action takes place primarily at night. Science fiction in raw daylight is a washed-out proposition. 2] The story line is usually dependent on heavy First-World technology. Too bad it looks completely dated 10 minutes after theatrical release. 3] Protagonists and problem solving methodologies are mostly white, who have great teeth and shiny hair. People of any color besides white, and who live outside the 310 area code are vastly under-represented in the sci-fi canon. By contrast, Marin County is mysteriously over-represented. Oh hell! Its more fun to shoot in Marin than Indio, or SW Nebraska.

September 2006, Myra Ave north of Santa Monica Blvd, here in Silver Lake.

Shit blows up, especially when you're smug and clueless. (Updated Jan 5, 2013) I love it when Hollywood assholes get lost in the mountains. It's right in line with "I HEART the planet" bumperstickers you see on their SUVs. Note: I also love seeing GOP lobbyists and Christian Taliban getting popped on morals and corruption charges too. There is no free lunch here. Back to the main point. This was too rich to ignore, from the February 8, 2005 LA Times. The Talmudic Annotations are in CAPS , for your conceptual pleasures. ============ February 8, 2005 CALIFORNIA 2 Hikers' Return Ends Search I READ THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY... Crews weary from four rescues are relieved to see the pair walk down from Mt. Baldy. LOOKING FOR WUV, IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES -------- By Lance Pugmire and Janet Wilson, Times Staff Writers -------- Two hikers - a Hollywood screenwriter and the son of "Designing Women" actress Annie Potts STRIKE TEAM DELTA, STR...

Cougars are a fact of life here in Southern California. As the pressures of urbanization increase on the foothill and mountain communities, human interactions with mountain lions are bound to increase, often with unpredictable results. Recently there have been several highly-publicized encounters between the cougar and humans. Some have been fatal for humans. Mountain bikers, runners, and casual hikers are becoming more aware of the cougar's presence in the mountains. The following talk was delivered at the Quarterly Proceedings of Anthropomorphic Zoology, Spring 2004, by Erasmus Binkster. The symposium was held in the Ayn Rand Asbestosterium, located on the Pyroclastic Community College campus, Puta Vista CA. ===== Southern California Wildlife: Year of the Cat "Hello...Hello...I think my PowerPoint Presentation is having a few problems [tapping sounds]...while we're waiting for the AV techs to work this one out, let's get started...oh! there it is! In Farsi and Punjab...

Am I alone in the raw nipple zone? For most runs over 2 hours in the pouring rain, With ground all wet and muddy, I begin to experience tactile pain, With hair-shirts turning bloody. Surely many of you have experienced this exciting effect, But I've come up with ingenious methods of cure! Without resorting to a 7% Solution And for mortification I will defer, That Suffering is The Logical Conclusion. The best news I could hear, Is that my nips will cease to be affected. I'll not slap the Bag Balm, nor apply the duct tape, For my Path Has Now been Selected. I'll straighten my Turban, and declaim: "Beulah, peel me a grape!" --Indolent in Hollywood, Lady Gee-Spot