Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Raymond Chandler needed Scotch to write a dope report. What's holding you back? You're stuck with writing a Race Report that will stun even the most clueless at how fucking Awesome You Really Are.  Here at D&L Industries, we have vast experience in these matters. So go ahead, jump in, and bust a literary nut. You'll be done before lunch.  THE STANDARD NARRATIVE STARTS HERE: I arrived at [race] I met [folks] I ate the big pasta dinner at [locale]  I got up the next morning and took a good long [euphemism]. But this is really not all about you. You're running this to raise awareness for*: a Special Cause a disenfranchised group a donations page astro-turfed altruism #orphaned hash-tags The race began. Things were looking pretty good.  My splits were pretty near the [lotto numbers] I had planned. my iPods weren't in the drop-bags, but I was upbeat At about mile [tbd] I began to  barf blister heat chill hallucinate ...

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First unleashed Tue, 12 Jun 2001 18:32:07 -0700 Runners, Fellow Listers, thank you, thank you! You are all *so* wonderful, I don't where to start...or stop! :) First, I want to thank Gawd®. Nothing Compares 2-U. You are the Race Director of Life, in the Biggest Ultra Of Them All! I want to see what kind of buckles *He* hands out!!! Secondly...I want to thank my training partners. Yes, every one of you! You know who you are...don't pretend! I know the parts where I shared with you about my work and tax issues...it's a brand new day! My new kidney is doing well too...what with ebay and a billion Chinese, now there's a combo!!! Third, I'd like to thank all of the really "velocity-challenged" out there who made me look *really* good. I couldn't have done it without you. Also all of you who were busy hiding in the bushes because of the pre-race chili...you have my sympathies. I made up at least 10 places. Vol...