Showing posts from April 21, 2013

The Guaranteed Results Race Report

You're stuck with writing a Race Report that will stun even the most clueless at how fucking Awesome You Really Are. Here at D&L Industries, we have vast experience in these matters. So go ahead, jump in, and bust a literary nut. You'll be done before lunch. 
THE STANDARD NARRATIVE STARTS HERE: I arrived at [race]I met [folks]I ate the big pasta dinner at [locale] I got up the next morning and took a good long [euphemism].But this is really not all about you. You're running this to raise awareness for*:
a Special Causea disenfranchised groupa donations pageastro-turfed altruism#orphaned hash-tagsThe race began. Things were looking pretty good. 
My splits were pretty near the [lotto numbers] I had iPods weren't in the drop-bags, but I was upbeatAt about mile [tbd] I began to 
barfblisterheatchillhallucinateWhen I got to Aid Station [tbd] things got
betterworsewhat the fuck is it to you, anyway?That is when I decided to 
dropgo onblame somebodyI gamely did the fo…

How We Shape Participant Perceptions

D&L Holistic Industries is a proud sponsor of the SKT Accelerated Method used by theSKT Ribbon-Chasers and the SKT Cutoff Chasers to organically created individually tailored success modules. This is based on results-oriented transformative cognitive dissonance to refine the techniques and output for mentoring capacities.

SKT Technologies is a fully-accredited entity. Offshore Vacuum Party Ltd Gmbh is a proud thought-partner in this process.

Generic Ultra Oscar Acceptance Speech

First unleashed Tue, 12 Jun 2001 18:32:07 -0700

Runners, Fellow Listers, thank you, thank you! You are all *so* wonderful, I don't where to start...or stop! :)
First, I want to thank Gawd®. Nothing Compares 2-U. You are the Race Director of Life, in the Biggest Ultra Of Them All! I want to see what kind of buckles *He* hands out!!!
Secondly...I want to thank my training partners. Yes, every one of you! You know who you are...don't pretend! I know the parts where I shared with you about my work and tax's a brand new day! My new kidney is doing well too...what with ebay and a billion Chinese, now there's a combo!!!
Third, I'd like to thank all of the really "velocity-challenged" out there who made me look *really* good. I couldn't have done it without you. Also all of you who were busy hiding in the bushes because of the pre-race have my sympathies. I made up at least 10 places.
Volunteers. I love you. Every one of you. Especially the ones that …