Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

July 25  or so, 1997. First the froth of sin. The running is good up here, and the betty-sightings are almost epic. Ask Leslie about the Three Cantina Betties. The curly-haired brunette ["Teach Me"], the lush and languid strawberry blonde ["Fuck Me Slow"], and finally the sizzling Latina ["Fuck Me Hard And You Better Not Quit"]. Leslie was cracking up laughing while these 3 criss-crossed the restaurant. I of course was merely appreciating their youthful...enthusiasm. And their combined ages still couldn't get them into MediCare.  [now to the grim broccoli of training, et merde] July 28 97 Kampers: When we last left our hapless hero he was comparing notes on the Three Cantina Betties. With that out of the way for now, he turned his manly attention to the business of running. Oh yes, that. With Jimbo Schedule firmly in hand, the other hand, Sat July 26 commenced with a Double: 25miles AM, 20miles PM. When I awoke at 0300 something in my gut told me I sho...

Aug 1 97 Exhumed dispatches from the long-lost summer of 1997  Boulder, Colorado, just now digging out from the bungled Ramsey murder case now has the "Divine Madness' running club in the public eye. We have a Cult That Claims Not To Be A Cult; complete with the charismatic "leader" and his late night lectures, monitored eating habits, a heavy tithing program, and oooooooh boy, the kicker: *Sexual Selection*. That's right folks, Mr Tizer has caught the attention of the press because in addition to piling capricious ultra workout mileage on his club, he's culling out the prize fillies from the herd. Maybe he's also surveying jogbras as well. But seriously, being a coach is a tough job, and you gotta hand it to him. This scam is every guy's Totally Forbidden Fantasy. I can see some of you protesting vigorously "No! Not Me!! My secret fantasy is finding out more about brown urine and potassium imbalance...!, Blisters!! Orthotics...!!!" OK. All ...

Team graphic for the 1997 Leadville effort. Originally posted in 1999. I did LT100 2.5 times, which was sufficient. The schlong remains the same, for those about to depart etc etc ... Stairway To Leadville There's a Kansas femme who's been sold, that all that buckles are gold And she's buying a stairway to Leadville When she gets there she knows, if the entries are all closed With a word she can get what she came for Ooh - ooh And she's buying a stairway to Leadville There's a pile on the trail, but she don't want to fail, 'Cause you know DNF's have two meanings In a latrine by the dam there's a squirrel who scams Sometimes all of our jogbras are misshapen Ooh, and I watch you blunder Ooh, and I watch you blunder There's a feeling I get when when my shoes are all wet And my spirit is crying for Bag-Balm Thru my brown-eye I've seen rings of fire through my knees And the voices of those who are standing just loo...

"Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive..." Hope Pass, 1997 Leadville 100. At 12,000', Hope Pass gets all the love. However... Hagerman Pass [approximately 15/80 miles in the course] is the hidden beast in the LT100. Only 500' lower than Hope,  disguised by a pole-line utility road so it doesn't say "big-assed mountain" quite so loudly. Brandon Sybrowsky paced me from Winfield to Fish—he at a low idle to my determined shuffling. Along the way we had some hilarious discussions on poisonous mushrooms, Mormonism, Copper Canyon in Chihuahua, and  paleoarcheology. For starters. Around midnight, Bruce Hoff and I had come back over the top of Hagerman  on the inbound leg, when Tom Sobal, Leadville Mountain Man, camping out with his kids, dryly observed "you don't have any time to waste, you're on the buckle bubble". He was right. I crossed the finish with 40min to spare, to get "La Plata Grande". Damn buckle's so big, I...