Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

  Date: Thu, 25 May 2000 07:46:29 -0700  Greetings All: It's a brand new Millenium, and ever'body's all set to go to what used to be called "Kamp n0Rm". Well...n0Rm's not in charge any more, but Tradition Is Everything, so here it is, just like last year. ================================ Dear Diary: I think I have Saturday all worked out for the 3000 prospective WS Runners. After I put on a shirt and some really sweat-inspiring stiff Levis, my day begins. 0300: Inspect busses for signs of drug use. 0400: polish glasses. 0500: Throw everything into the WS Command Vehicle, warm up engine. 0530: Load extra pairs of Ice-Pants® and ice-hats onto roof-rack. 0545: Hope that cocky young asshole Boisseree doesn't show up with his loudmouth pal Gassan(?) Gasstown(?) Gasstune(?) from LA. 0600: Begin writing my speech for the morning. Be sure to leave some room for spontaneous applause and shouts of "Stand Up!!!" Play along. Have someone take names and plate...

Dead. More or less, whatever! Someone’s gonna die out there on race day, in the heat. The race needs to move back to October. Period. And Kenny will never budge. In Before Times The race was in October. You got your summer heat training. Days of endless high noon all fucking day. When Race Day came, it was delightfully mild. The sun races across the sky. And it got chilly at night. But various fires and other cryptic factors moved the race date from October, to September, now to early fucking August. And course changes like running for miles on blistering blacktop don't help. Here's how we got here:  I magine AC100 Without Baden-Powell   Let's review, from a professional medical viewpoint The single biggest change the race could make in terms of safety is to move the race date back to the late September, dare I say October time frame. So do the math: 300 runners x exposure to heat stroke level temperatures = highly likely outcome. I’d argue that the fire danger is only frac...

Imagine all your money It's easy if you try No start line below me Above me, only mine Imagine all your entries Livin' for today Ah  Imagine there's no refunds It isn't hard to do Nothing give or try for And no excuses, too Imagine all your entries Livin' for today Ah You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll sign up And my world will be as one.  

" ...grab the mic and get dumb "   Weasel Jizz Pale Ale . Born in 1991 at D&L Holistic Industries. Schlong ago, when ultras were semi-wrinkled, and results were in black & white.   Back before Orange Mud rocket packs were a hallucination. This is the Origin Story of D&L Holistic Industries-- who launched products that would Redefine Ultras, And Shit®™.   Weasel Jazz Pale Ale. SpoogeBuilder. Iguana-Turdz NRG Bars. The list goes on for at least two or three seconds. "If you can dream it, you can do it" said Kenny while frying a hockey-puck burger in front of the Rose Bowl. Allegedly. Weasel Jizz Pale Ale was the Elder Gawd of success brews that later generations of influencers tried to imitate. Butt failed. Many logs have been dropped in this futile pursuit. . #weasel #jizz #INFLUENCER #ultras #norefunds #burntcoin

I can see clearly now. Sooner or later, your ultra-romance ends. What started off so fresh has now crashed. All those races, buckles, t-shirts mock you. And maybe a hot hook-up too. You might even have had that finish line marriage proposal, where you said “yes, yes, a thousand times yes”, not realizing it was a fateful ambush in front of total strangers. Or a social-media stunt. It was a simpler time.  The day when a Running Vacation was the shit is also gone. You are hearing, or saying, that ultras suck too much out of whatever life you have, and you/they want to do other things. Its never a fun discussion. Or your health. My health ultra-path [or Journey®™] was: Sept 1989: First ultra, Baldy Peaks 50k. Man, I thought I was truly gonna get laid. Oct 1991. First 100. Man, I thought I was truly gonna get laid. April 1999: Chronic Fatigue-Adjacent. Whatever it was, I was knee-capped, and my first ultra golden age was over. It was a hard quasi-recovery. Buckling becomes remote. Who a...

June 30 2022, Sacramento CA. California Dept of Motor Vehicles announced a new commemorative plate: the FOMOCAM. It honors the sacrifices of amateur camera-operators at the 2022 Western States 100 , who selflessly inserted themselves into glory between working professionals and team athletes. FOMOCAM embodies the tireless efforts of those who are called to collide with reality, as legends in their own minds.   Meanwhile, Colorado, not wanting to be left out, or leave money on the table, announced its two-tier FOMOCAM plate. Colorado bet that there would be an even larger number of FOMOCAM aspirants. The Tier One CO FOMOCAM plate is in honor of famed and exclusive Hardrock 100 . Only 147 of these plates will be issued by lottery, not counting the the 18 international rollovers and RD Dale Garland's Pick-Six. The Waitlist is reportedly almost 48.   The Tier Two CO FOMOCAM plate is in honor of the venerable Leadville Trail 100 , with its related LifeTime®™ family of races spannin...

Candice Burt is building Destination Trail as an elite brand, positioning herself as the lifestyle avatar of that identity. In April 2021, she swore off Facebook and Twitter, because “she didn’t want to be on the menu.” I think she cited the male gaze on this. A month later she reversed course, and now Facebook, Insta and Twitter were her, all the time. Its A Material World The media landscape has been transformed. What were once vices are now habits. Insta and TikTok enable a performative intimacy that might not have happened earlier.
 We’ve seen this before. House Kardashian: where Kim transitioned from Paris Hilton’s Closet-Keeper to a freestanding multi-billion dollar brand family. These ranked charts show where Candice Burt & Destination Trail figure in the landscape. CB/DT has a stronger Insta presence, and short-memory visuals drive impulse buying.  Weird Science. Obviously Kim K will probably never run an ultra, but she’s here to show top-end. Other notable ultra-entit...

Listen to the dog. I'm gonna piss on a live wire and talk about why Virtual Ultras Don't Count. Preamblin' Prior to 2020 a virtual ultra was a distant-fringe idea, like "running to the moon", kid you not. Then 'Rona exploded in the USA thanks to criminal incompetence, magical thinking, short-term Trumpian graft and corruption, and demonization of actual science that might've gotten a handle on things. All public sporting events died. Suddenly, we entered the age of Virtual Ultras. This was an understandable response by RD's who's events were suddenly cancelled, and by runners who needed to compete in something, anything. Gary Cantrell's The Virtual Great Race Across Tenn essee was a surprise winner in this category with an estimated 19,000 entrants. Pros & Cons  Virtual ultras enable people who might not have done an ultra, to motivate, train, and bond with others looking to find their way out of a black hole. A real positive example is Ja...

Eyes on the prize. Drop-downs are a logical response of RDs not wanting to have people dropping at remote aid stations, putting a load onto a tight evacuation scenario. This is recent, and yes, I've used it. I'd rather walk my way out of a race-day gone bad than be stuck somewhere. RD's really don't want to haul you out. If you do, you'll be riding on a pile of gear. They also don't want an expensive, bad publicity evacuation if things go really bad. This is another good reason not to have themed costume aid stations. There's a widening talent spectrum in ultras. Its a logical outcome of the boom in the last 10 years.  More people getting into it, and here are some indicators. the widening gap between the super-talented and the mid to back of pack runners the rise of the drop-down option in races social media plays a role here. Its a fact, not a blame. People get all jizzed up, and then race day reality kicks in. The talent bell curve gets l...

1990-something. I suspect Ice House Cyn or maybe Tahquitz. Newbies don't understand training run etiquette. It's not exactly their fault for ignorance, so let's drop some knowledge-nuggets. self-insert, self extract have a workable exit-strategy don't be a martyr know your limitations What does this mean? Details follow: You are responsible for your own actions. You are responsible for knowing how you're going to get out of situations. You are not going to burden your pals with your misery. Unless they truly enjoy that shit, you'll be running by yourself. If you insist on being a martyr for the greater glory of social media, go elsewhere. Seriously, nobody cares. I don't run at elite level, and the only place I'll realistically see the elite is at a finish line somewhere. They'll be seeing their grandchildren by the time I finish up. Then I can tell the kids what great studs their grands were when we started out. BTW: that pic is ...

Framing the argument. Ultras have now matured so that people work at cheating on them.  It's always something.  I've suspected it in various 50ks, 50-milers, and a few 100-milers.  Marathons had their wakeup with Rosie Ruiz, and her 1980 subway-assisted Boston Marathon win . Cheating can occur in the following scenarios: Races with interior loops, staffed by volunteers, with little or no help, and irregular contact with other volunteers running HAM and finish line duties Long stretches were people can get rides without scrutiny Out & back sections with no monitoring, or proof of completion Where trails parallel paved or graded roads Cheating has always been rumored, but the rise in timing chip/Garminesque GPS tech watches has closed the gap. Provided the registered entrant is wearing the watch etc.   This will percolate downwards into the sport. Time-testing will undoubtedly accompany drug-testing in marquee races.  Race di...

Back when it was still fun and games No Name 5030 is a serious course, not for the faint of heart or armchair bad-asses. It’s harsh out there, and tough as fuck. No water or shade, with convection heat and dehydration as your ever-present serious friends. For those studs who bang this 50k in 4+ hrs— you are truly amazing. I don’t recommend this as a first-time 50k for most people. There are many long and lonely stretches between aid stations. For me it was a super-harsh 31 mile training run that drew on every last thing I’d ever learned.  TOTAL PROPS The Shuttle van. Oh Jesus. Richard deserves a medal on this one.  Volunteers out in the middle of nowhere.  Mike Epler humping water up to that forsaken Albertson’s Motorway ridge at 22 miles. I topped off because I assumed that the water-only meant somebody would be there, not a lonely water drop later at Mile 26. The following canyon is serious as a heart attack, and to be dismissed at your peril. Got my attent...

This is not a pipe either Everyone is mystified why modern ultra Bobs & Betties burn out after 3 years. Every new crop of young champions rise, burn brightly, then fall out of the heavens back into darkness, as everyone stares at their phones. Jason Koop has some sharp observations on this. It boils down to race proliferation, #FOMO, social media, and sponsors wanting max exposure.  If you look at Ann Trason’s peak career , or Tim Twietmeyer you’ll see they didn’t race all the time. Or maybe some races didn’t make it into the database. Ultras have changed mightily in thirty years. What used to be low-rent is now high dollar on both ends of the spectrum. We’ve gone from aluminum lawn chairs and a stopwatch to blowup arches and timing chips. Here’s the arc: hot young Bob or Betty wins a name ultra. They become a social-media influencer. Winning is a stoke, kid you not. And they race. And race. The season never stops. Eventually exhaustion sets in. The runner...

Course profile map with cryptic hand gestures. Wonderfulistic. I was passed by the finest names in SoCal ultras at least once. It helps when you're running different races to get the full impact of major talent. Wh at bites was that twenty years ago I ran th e 50-mile in the same time as I lurched thru the 50k. There was an astonishing number of polite people out on the course, who also included newbies trying on their first trail run ever. It was great seeing them trying and getting it. They got their money’s worth. I met people last year that I completely forgot until this year, when they called me by name. Holy fucking shit—that’s a mind-slip. But they were chill, still dropping me like they owed me money. Race Particulars The course is a perverse T-shaped out-n-back that humps over several ridge lines in northern LA Co. Last year I tried on the 50-mi outing for size, and got pulled at 29 miles, taking the drop-down to a 50k . Yes, it used to be a loop, but that w...

Mr Trail Safety gets Lance Armstrong's attention for 1/10 sec. Lance Armstrong wins a fat-ass trail race! Circle the wagons, Mabel! Lock and load the PowerBars!! Hold up here. 35k is not an ultra, its a sub-marathon of 21.748 miles. Furthermore, its a Fat-Ass, which used to mean "no fee, no aid, no whining". No telling what it means now. He's got a way to go yet. Armstrong was a rip-roaring bastard to Floyd Landis, Greg LeMonde, and anyone that stood in his way. To have him compete in a sport with weak/non-existent doping protocols [because most races can't afford it] is pure parasitism. That said, over the years there have been flurries of excitement as various tri-geeks strap on a 50k with great fanfare, then quietly disappear after their first 50mi flameout. As Bill Rogers commented on a 199 4 CBS "Eye On Sports" Leadville 100 feature: "Its 12+hours, and most of the runners aren't even half done yet. In an Ironman, most would be headi...

Inwardly I'm smiling. Photo courtesy of Louis Kwan. Don't hold it against him. After yesterday's Ray Miller 50k, I've only got two stiff legs. I've achieved a certain level of accomplishment when I heard shouts of "show us your balls!" seconds from the finish. But that was after I’d hurt the vert, run my own race, and had a great day; well in the future after the rosy-finger dawn rose over the whine-dork sea . The race is one of a cluster run that day at Pt Mugu State Park: 30k, 50k, 50 miles and 100k. Something for everybody, and if getting like worked hard, RD Keira H enninger will deliver, in spades. The 50k course is a lopsided 3-leaf clover and stem, in an approximate clockwise direction. If it was run counter clockwise, it would easily add 2 hours to the average finish. Keira has other things to do besides wait on your sorry ass, so be grateful. I was very glad I didn’t strap on the 50-miler. This will have to wait for a later date. Meanwhile,...

[updated 8/17/15, 10/20/15] Registration for the  2016 Angeles Crest 100 opened and closed in less than 10 minutes Monday, Aug 3. The 2016 Race is Aug 6-7 2016. This is a winning plan for filling a parking lot, but fatal for a legacy 100 like AC. There's only one reason— its all about the money . Let's look at the moving parts. The entry qualifications are laughable : finish one 50mi race before race day. Straight outta 1986. That's pure sucker bait, but I'll call it a swindle. Some ultra-bob does a flatland Care Bear 50 on carpeted trail somewhere, and he does not have a fucking clue what awaits for him in the San Gabriels. But he's "qualified". There were 66 DNS [401k Division] in 2015 Out of 238 signups: 172 started, 98 finish, 74 dropped/missed cutoff/wtf ever. Sixty-six DNS is a spectacular achievement, out-pacing previous years averages of 25 or so. 2014 had 40. Do the math: 25-40 DNS every year means $10,000+ in pocket, no accoun...

For whatever reason, I seem to show up at BTR after some existential crisis. This year my taper started on March 2, when I found out my brother, while out on a training ride, had been been killed in by a careless driver in the UAE. See for yourself how all your #RunStrong memes hold up for you. So yeah, I did the 30-miler, crossed in 7-something, and am OK with it. Obligatory Running Bullshit: News, Weather and Sports Weather was perfect for running, but harsh for all the hippies in their shorts and Luna sandals, who were shivering in the cold and damp of Thursday night rain. Friday, Saturday and Sunday were brisk, sunny and breezy—a far cry from the scorching heat of the past two years. The 2015 BTR Ultras featured two new events that bracketed the extremes in human potential:  The 0.0 Non-Run, and the 200-mile event. Over 60 people paid $40 to do nothing, noon Saturday. Laugh all you want, that paid for additional shitters for everybody .  The 200 field of 1...