Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

French President Nicholas Sarkozy has a hot girlfriend, Carla Bruni. Rumours are swirling that he's gonna marry her. Swirling! I'd say "Yo, Niko! Chill! Test drive on a road-trip before signing the lease, dig? OK, whatever. It's been 60 days. Here are my questions: Is France a community-property state? We do know that under the Napoleonic Code, you are guilty until proved innocent. If they get married, and then divorce, does she get half of France? Which half?

"In A Metal Mood" is one of the most hilarious practical jokes in the History of Röck. Boone managed to startle and outrage two highly conservative constituencies: Evangelicals and Heavy Metal. I doubt that Pat had that in mind at the outset. Consider the readings of "Crazy Train", "Panama" and "You've Got Another Thing Coming". By the technical virtuosity of the participants, and the smoothie-stylings of Mr Pat, the irreducible cheeziness of the originals are revealed. Some of the other tracks like "Stairway to Heaven" sink into primordial ooze and can be deleted from any playlist. Overall, an Essential Perverse Masterpiece.