Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Now was a good time to take a pole. I received a lot of requests to repost this post that was part of my SKT story a few hours back . Long Story Indisputably Short I was in a 31 mile race, had drop a MEGA Deuce about 15 miles in, went to the Poop Lounge in a dry stream bed. That’s kind of near the Hurt Locker. But I didn't have to fall down an embankment. Then had to wipe my butt with a tree-branch.  Came back out to finish the race.  No POOPY PANTS FOR ME!   BUT… I GOT CHICKED.   Lots of times. Fuckin’ Betties passing my ass like I had a pulmonary enema or some shit! I DROPPED THE DEUCE, BUT NOT THE BOAT!   Kept my hand out of the aid-station food trays until I Purell’d it and made sure there was no taint. Because I had to show that my asshole wasn't the boss. Several hours later my watch lost 30 minutes while I was recharging it.  “GOD DAMN! You had ONE JOB.”   But I took responsibility for it.  Th...

"Just playing thru, don't mind me..." Portrait by Howie Stern. Now buy his photos. In finest Ray Miller 50/50 tradition, I was chicked and dicked right from the start. Being surrounded by all that fine talent can only put my race into perspective. Such seriousness and devotion to purpose!  In classic Olde English Ailing it would be “Beowulf Watch!”, only I was the slo-mo. "Tell us about the race, Mr Trail Safety!" Alright. I started slow and it only got slower. I was 2min/mile slower than the last  RM50k outing . It's been a colorful interlude. Nothing like finding out through acupuncture that rewiring over 20 years of anatomical malpractice takes time. Butt! I digress. As my talent has fled the stage, Tempis Fugit, Et Merde®™, my final refuge in ultras is merely hanging on. International Orange was the color of my spirit animal that day. That morning I made back my entry fee by parking cars on the highway at $20 a pop. Even the signs warning...

Inwardly I'm smiling. Photo courtesy of Louis Kwan. Don't hold it against him. After yesterday's Ray Miller 50k, I've only got two stiff legs. I've achieved a certain level of accomplishment when I heard shouts of "show us your balls!" seconds from the finish. But that was after I’d hurt the vert, run my own race, and had a great day; well in the future after the rosy-finger dawn rose over the whine-dork sea . The race is one of a cluster run that day at Pt Mugu State Park: 30k, 50k, 50 miles and 100k. Something for everybody, and if getting like worked hard, RD Keira H enninger will deliver, in spades. The 50k course is a lopsided 3-leaf clover and stem, in an approximate clockwise direction. If it was run counter clockwise, it would easily add 2 hours to the average finish. Keira has other things to do besides wait on your sorry ass, so be grateful. I was very glad I didn’t strap on the 50-miler. This will have to wait for a later date. Meanwhile,...