Chompin' Chia

Guaranteed to ruin your weekend.

What started it all:

-----Original Message-----
From: [redacted ]
To: yetanother time suck_List
Sent: Wed, 20 Jun 2007 8:22 am
Subject: Chia seeds

I recently read in a race report that some runners where trying chia seeds
during their runs (yes, the "chia pet" seeds). They appearantly have
incredible water absorbtion qualities and when eaten are supposed to buffer
glycogen and electrolytes - and that supposedly helps keep you better
hydrated and prevents energy dips and spikes.

So - I decided to order some to check it out, and am curious if anyone on
the list has tried it before. Have any tips? recipes? how do you actually
use it during a run, do you eat the seeds raw or turn it into a gel?

leading to:
Begin forwarded message:

From: mrtrailsafety
Date: June 20, 2007 12:45:39 PM PDT
To: Karl
Cc: Subject: Fwd: Chia seeds

Hi Bad Karl:

I think you need to answer this lost soul:

In honor of your Great Wisdom, I wanted to leech your brain, uh, axe you a Q, bro.

I'm writing you on the UltraList, because its like farting in the dark. Nobody sees you, nobody hears you, but you get to share all the same.

Uhm...I want to grow a chia pet out my butt. But you say that Oatmeal is better. Like, WTF, dewd! Chia is green, Oatmeal is beige. No way I want a Beige Monster growing out my butt, dig?

Also: why are RedVines sold in the weatherstripping dept of Home Depot? And why can I buy spackle in the dairy section? And I just read that Kool Whip and condom Lube share 95% of the same proprietary DNA! Talk about smoove mouf-feel! Damn! Dunno 'bout you, home-slice, but I won't be bangin' any chimps anytime soon.

OK. I got my ultra-freek on. Peace out.


Barney Q Fudgepakker
"26.2 LOL 2 U"

spawning this:

Ode To Chia

First brought to my attention by Mary C***, and thusly brought forward by the tender mercies of Suzanne W***. Karl K*** is the nominal beneficiary of this nonsense.

1] Leftoverture

When overcome by logorrhea,
I need to vent [oh my-oh mia]
That running jolts, you’d have to see, ya,
I read about, The Mighty Chia.

Unsettled I am, alimentaria,
And tempting fate, colonic loteria,
By craving green, I had to see, ya,
I give you now, “Chompin’ Chia”

2] The Main Evente: Chompin' Chia
[with completely insincere apologies to ABBA]

I’ve been obsessed by Chia since I don’t know when
So I made up my mind, overruling the other end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I start to run, but I suddenly lose control
Mr Turtlehead shouts, “Fire In The Hole!
Just one toot, and the barking duck sings
One more blast and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Chompin’ Chia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
logorrhea, does it show again?
My my, just how much I’ve blown through!
Yes, I’ve been popcorn-farted
Blue flames the day I started
Why, why did I ever let it go?
Magic Chia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let it go.

I’ve been angry and sad about the things that you do
I start to run, then my thoughts revert to Poo,
And when it goes, its out the back door
I think it know that I won’t be away too long
You know that I’m not that strong.
Just one look and I can feel the barking duck
One more blast and I know I’m fucked, o-o-o-oh

Chompin’ Chia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
No tengo allegria, does it go again?
Ay! Ay!, just how much I’ve missed you
Yes, I’ve been popcorn-farted
Blue flames the day I started
Why, why do my guts behave so?
Chompin’ chia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
Chompin’ chia, its a game we play
Bye bye doesn’t mean forever

Chompin’ Chia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
logorrhea, does it show again?
My my, just how much I’ve blown through!
Yes, I’ve been popcorn-farted
Blue flames the day I started
Why, why did I ever let it go?
Magic Chia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.