Polyester Sharia In The Making

Do you enjoy trainwrecks like this as much as I do? Read on.

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MY FAITH IN GAWD IS RENEWED BY NEWS LIKE THIS.
from the LA Times.

God's word, plus static, on Calvary Satellite Network

Amid accusations over sex, money and control, Pastor Chuck Smith is about to surrender much of the evangelical radio empire to a man he calls morally unfit for ministry


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THE SET-UP

WHEN Chuck Smith, founder of the worldwide Calvary Chapel movement, decided to invest big in radio, the Orange County evangelist joined forces with a pastor he trusted.

Mike Kestler was one of his proteges, a folksy preacher with a ponytail who had ridden the Calvary phenomenon to a pulpit in Twin Falls, Idaho.

Smith had presided at Kestler's wedding. He'd helped Kestler keep his job after a churchgoer complained that Kestler had begged her to run away with him.

Now, the pastors would be business partners. Kestler knew how to run a radio station. Smith had money and a famous name. They shared a vision of FM radio as a megaphone for God's word.

Bolstered by $13 million from Smith's Costa Mesa church, Calvary Satellite Network grew into a spectacular recruiting tool for the evangelical movement. In listening areas across the nation, Calvary Chapels proliferated.

But relations between the two pastors deteriorated. In 2003, Smith cut off funding for the radio network, precipitating a crisis that continues to roil Calvary's leadership. It sparked a war for control of the network on terrain Smith had preached against for years: the earthly courts.

The two sides have hurled accusations of lust and greed, betrayal and embezzlement. As part of the battle, Smith funded a lawsuit against Kestler by a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader who said he had fired her from her radio job for rebuffing his sexual advances

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THE ARTICLE IS A TREAT, SO I'LL PULL THESE NUGGETS OUT....

Word reached the Smiths that another woman was complaining about Kestler. Sarah Meyer, an Idaho parishioner, said he had offered her a radio job, only to try "using Jesus to seduce me."

WORKS EVERY TIME! ONLY THE SMART GIRLS FALL FOR THE 'WORSHIPPING BAAL' LINE

"He'd prayed, and felt God was saying I was the one he was supposed to be with," Meyer, now 28, said in an interview. She said she turned down his advances and the job. Now, when she hears Kestler's voice on the car radio, "it makes my flesh crawl," she said.

NOT THE ORIGINAL INTENT. SEE ANTONIN SCALIA FOR DETAILS

In late 2005 and early 2006 came the volley of lawsuits. Chuck Smith filed suit against Kestler in state court in Twin Falls for $1.3 million, demanding repayment of a loan to build Kestler's church.

RENDER UNTO CHUCK THAT WHICH IS CHUCK'S

Smith had long been troubled that he defended Kestler in 1994 against accusations from a female churchgoer, only to see other women voice similar complaints. Now, he bankrolled a federal lawsuit by Pollitt, 46, the former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

TOUCHDOWNS FOR JESUS

Pollitt said Kestler lured her from Dallas to Twin Falls with the promise of a job at Calvary Satellite Network, only to fire her after she rejected his come-ons. In court papers, Kestler has denied retaliating against Pollitt and has said she made sexual overtures to him.

JEZEBEL RISING!

Returning the Smiths' fire, Kestler filed suit in Orange County Superior Court, seeking control of Calvary Satellite Network and accusing the younger Smith of seizing donations intended for the network.

MANY SHEKELS TO CROSS, AS JIMMY CLIFF ONCE....OH, NEVER MIND

In a countersuit, the younger Smith charged Kestler with misappropriating millions of dollars in listener contributions. The suit also accused Kestler of "sinful sexual and flirtatious misconduct with numerous women over the years"

ASKING THEM IF THEY WANTED TO SEE "THE LITTLE JESUS' MIRACULOUS RESURRECTION"

and of spending network funds on vacations

BIBLE-LAND COMES TO MIND, AND MAYBE THAT CREATIONIST THEME-PARK

and purchases at Victoria's Secret.

PRAISE GAWD!

To fundamentalist Christians, taking a quarrel to the secular courts is considered a drastic option. Believers point to 1 Corinthians, Chapter 6: "If any of you have a dispute with another Christian, how dare you go before heathen judges instead of letting God's people settle the matter?"

POLYESTER SHARIA COURTS

Jeff Smith's lawyer, Janet Carter, a born-again Christian, said the rule doesn't apply when dealing with people such as Kestler. "You don't get to be protected by 1st Corinthians 6 if you're acting like a heathen," she said.

I GUESS VICTORIA'S SECRET IS CONSIDERED 'SACRED RAINMENT'

In vain, Chuck Smith has asked Kestler to stop using the Calvary name. It still adorns his Twin Falls church. "They're free to use the secular courts to try to stop him," said Lloyd Walker, Kestler's attorney and brother-in-law. "Until then, we're not going to.

WE'RE GOIN' BACK TO CALI, CALI....


With Marginal Respects to Your Sensibilities,
Bucky Kibble III, Esq

Pogey Baitte & Marroone: Admiralty Law in Extremis
Race Director: Hellmouth 100
Counsel for the Christian Topless Bar Trade Association (CTBTA)