Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Bright lights, big city, That's up there in Chamonix Bright lights, little titties Its full-tilt UTMB Aint going back to Random Cuz this is where the YOLO be… [wail harmonica here] And that was from Amherst’s greatest unknown bluesman, Slow Blind Driveway… UTMB FOMO: Deez Nots        

Dead. More or less, whatever! Someone’s gonna die out there on race day, in the heat. The race needs to move back to October. Period. And Kenny will never budge. In Before Times The race was in October. You got your summer heat training. Days of endless high noon all fucking day. When Race Day came, it was delightfully mild. The sun races across the sky. And it got chilly at night. But various fires and other cryptic factors moved the race date from October, to September, now to early fucking August. And course changes like running for miles on blistering blacktop don't help. Here's how we got here:  I magine AC100 Without Baden-Powell   Let's review, from a professional medical viewpoint The single biggest change the race could make in terms of safety is to move the race date back to the late September, dare I say October time frame. So do the math: 300 runners x exposure to heat stroke level temperatures = highly likely outcome. I’d argue that the fire danger is only frac...

    The Tour De France Announces FOMOCAM License Plates These unique and expensive auto-ornaments are dedicated to all who got in the way of pro cyclists and pro media in the 2024 Tour de France. This is your Bonne Chance to flaunt your level of Le Expertise . 2.1. The Classes The plates will be issued in the following classes: Yellow: General classification, overall leader Green: Points Polka dots: Mountains White: Best first time offender 2.2. Certificate of Conformity One of the most important documents you will need is a certificate of conformity ( certificat de conformité/attestation d'identification ) that your license complies with technical standards in France. You will need to produce:     your existing vehicle registration certificate,     passport,     proof of address (such as utility bill) in France, and     purchase invoice (or similar evidence). 2.6. Proof of Identity You will need to produce:  ...

Imagine all your money It's easy if you try No start line below me Above me, only mine Imagine all your entries Livin' for today Ah  Imagine there's no refunds It isn't hard to do Nothing give or try for And no excuses, too Imagine all your entries Livin' for today Ah You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll sign up And my world will be as one.  

Joshua Tree, April 2000. Dana and Andy getting solar-hammered while I was dragging ass behind.   This is sole remaining evidence of a Truly Lost Weekend.   Ominous Foreshadowing Intro Hanta ho, Truth Seekers. Mark the weekend of 7-9 April on your patriarchal, anthropocentric calendars as the time of this year's Millennial Visionkwest. Our Y2K theme, the brainchild of Mr. Trail Safety, is "Verlangen nach Dekonstruktion" [Appetite for Deconstruction]. Prepare accordingly. More information to follow, as the weekend looms closer. THE MAIN EVENT J-Tree VisionKwest 2: The Unfolding Kontinues [x l] Now is the time that opportunistic and eager scriveners set down for All Time the Truth of What Was, and the What Was Is and Remains... Joshua Tree: The Millenial VisionKwest 2. Searchers for their Krystal Visions®™ got exactly this, and no less. Casino Bingo was the Intellectual Author of the Kwest. Draw Poker was his single-degreed accomplice. And these two Intellectual Morons proce...

Sorry-oh! The  Spring Gel Awesome Sauce turd blew up big several weeks ago, and the howls are epic. Short weights and calorie counts? Fainting couches all across UltraLandia collapsed under the impact. Every ultra social-media franchise operator is elbowing to be the Great I Told You So, suddenly realizing that Lazy Stenography Has Consequences. All of them. A larger question is ‘re-examining your relationship to advertising and packaging’. Thirty years ago [1993] I was introduced to mixing CarboPlex/CarbPro into running bottles with Kern’s mango nectar or Gatorade to get the liquid calories. The caloric weight was bigger at a much smaller cost. Or into plain water if the gag-factor became a problem, with salt caps. I recall Hammer being touted then as well. Of course, some of the whining is podium-worthy. Others should be accompanied by the "Ashokan Farewell" , with the voice of Mary Chesnutt reading one of the mournful posts, as follows: "Dearest Darling: I write you...

Things are not, as they seem... Social Endorphine, or, The Lament of the Injured Influencer Here I lie, on my Instagram bed Tell me, Social Endorphine, when you liking me again Oh, and I don’t think I can’t post long Oh, you see, I’m not that strong The scream of the Whambulance is sounding in my ears Come on now, Social Endorphine, how long have I been lying here? What am I doing in this place? Why does the emoji have no face? Oh, I can't crawl across the floor Can't you see, Social Endorphine, I'm just trying to score Well, it just goes to show, things are not what they seem Please, Social Endorphine, turn my dropped logs into schemes Oh, can't you see my stats, fading fast Yeah, and that this bot will be my last? Come on Ah, yeah Please, please, Cousin PayPal, lay your cool, cool hand on my head Come on now, Social Endorphine, you better make up my bed 'Cause you know, and I know in the morning I'll zeros and ones, And you can sit around, and you can watch As...

Kilimanjaro at twilight, Shira 1. I started building my Kilimanjaro gear months before wheels-up Feb 28. It was a balance between realism and very real weight limits, hedging my bets at every turn; to the extent of buying a new digital scale. In the end, it's not your scale that counts. It's the airline's and then the tour group. Then add in that I was doing a post-Kilimanjaro trip, and needed to figure that out. I got expert advice from Dave Turner, who's forgotten more about mountain travel than I'll ever know. The Four Main Components 1/ The LARGE BLACK DUFFEL , the 1997 Eagle Creek Black Whale held all the trek gear. Inside it were [depending on trip phase] 2/ PORTER DUFFEL 3/ ARCTERYX DAY PACK 4/ GREEN BURRITO PACK: for off mountain travel [see below] The following list is what I dragged/carried to Kilimanjaro and further on. Black Whale, with Green Burrito visible. Porter Duffel obscured. 1/ LARGE BLACK DUFFEL 20L compression stuff sack [for sleeping bag] Sle...

Kilimanjaro, from a sunflower field outside JRO, 01 MAR 01 MAR Arr JRO. Little sleep. All gear arrives. Hello Africa eSIM not loaded properly. I'll ride wifi until out of country. Mbahe Farm. Hillary, driver Leonard, chef Lillian, maid 02 MAR Adjoining cabins at the Mbahe Farm. Utterly delightful. Mbahe Farm 6000' Hike around Mtuy farm. Met other group- Doug Marsh, Megan Woods. Scarecrow at Mbahe Farm field Scarecrow. Wild ganja plant from random field workers. Jet lag kicking my ass. Final gear weigh-in: 12kg Gear layout inspection. Add extra pad. Diamox discussed and not used. Doug opted for it, and was pissing like a fire hose the entire trip. I relied on my ultra experience: pounding Gatorade, and pissing clear.  2hr sleep at best Begin 2x daily stat checks with Oxymeter measuring oxygen intake [100 being best] and pulse. STATS: AM 6,100  Mbahe Farm 96 56 PM 6,100  Mbahe Farm 96 53 03 MAR DAY 1: Lemo...