Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Ever wondered what happened to Goofus and Gallant? Goofus and Gallant didn't die. They became Carno and Vego, undergoing the transubstantiation of the flesh, and reincarnated into a new form for this new troubled century we live in. Study the chart. You've probably partied with one of them.

How many times have you wondered how things change from one state to the other? And how many of those times were you a kind and wondered where all that yummy Spam came from? This is the answer you 've been looking for. I recently rediscovered this obscure revision of the Periodic Table. Pork : elemental sign: PO. Atomic number: 50/50, Relative Atomic Mass: 120.69 Spam: elemental sign: Sp. Atomic number: u81-2, Relative Atomic Mass: 206.666 (note Satanic fractional number) Lead : elemental sign: Pb. Atomic number: 82, Relative Atomic Mass: 207.21 For years it had been conjectured that Spam® was in fact the missing-link isotope of pork. Scientists at D&L Industries Research Lab carefully monitored the projected use-path trajectory, considered its original source, and then followed it to its ultimate atomic conclusion—where it literally turned to Lead. It becomes even more relevant in This Here Holiday Season®™. Especially after the recent LA Times article describing the rel...

"Your friends are definitely better than mine" This was the Voice Of Reason from Earl "The Rocket" Jones, as he admired my 24k bling'ed PIMP goblet . We were at the 3rd Outer Circle of the Western States 100 Finish Line, Sunday Morning Coming Down. The Firste Circle is the Ring Of White Chairs Inside The Barriers. The Seconde is The Laire of the White Nurse [being all double-bubbled and shit]. And the Thirde is round the outside, round the outside. Let's see. The main topic of conversation for all the WS Entrants was not about Hal or Nikki, it was whether Paris Hilton would be able to walk unassisted from jail after being on a reduced sperm-n-demerol regimen. Also, whether the Magenta Star Child would be able to commune with the Trail Faeries and git enuff water. But all this wilted from the mighty hear of the Krucible of the Kanyons. To everyone's Great Surprise, it was hot. Perhaps not hot enough to fry eggs on your visor, but close. There were a fair...

Behold the Majestick Synergies and Synchronicities of Gawd's Holiday Majestie®™ ! For all of you soldiers in the War On Xmas, this is for you. I was given these gifts by 2 different people, separated by Time and Space, opposite sides of the country...the whole shootin' match. Note the fine detailing on each piece; the subtle lettering on the left [given by Annie G, from NH], and the graceful thumb-stops on the right [received as a White Elephant Gift at my work party in LA]. This image is your next office screensaver.