This is the answer you 've been looking for.
I recently rediscovered this obscure revision of the Periodic Table.
- Pork: elemental sign: PO. Atomic number: 50/50,
Relative Atomic Mass: 120.69
- Spam: elemental sign: Sp. Atomic number: u81-2,
Relative Atomic Mass: 206.666 (note Satanic fractional number)
- Lead: elemental sign: Pb. Atomic number: 82,
Relative Atomic Mass: 207.21
It becomes even more relevant in This Here Holiday Season®™. Especially after the recent LA Times article describing the relationship between wily, feral pigs and their puzzled, outwitted, high-caliber hunters.