Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Secret Transmutation of Elements

How many times have you wondered how things change from one state to the other? And how many of those times were you a kind and wondered where all that yummy Spam came from?

This is the answer you 've been looking for.
I recently rediscovered this obscure revision of the Periodic Table.
  • Pork: elemental sign: PO. Atomic number: 50/50,
    Relative Atomic Mass: 120.69

  • Spam: elemental sign: Sp. Atomic number: u81-2,
    Relative Atomic Mass: 206.666 (note Satanic fractional number)

  • Lead: elemental sign: Pb. Atomic number: 82,
    Relative Atomic Mass: 207.21
For years it had been conjectured that Spam® was in fact the missing-link isotope of pork. Scientists at D&L Industries Research Lab carefully monitored the projected use-path trajectory, considered its original source, and then followed it to its ultimate atomic conclusion—where it literally turned to Lead.

It becomes even more relevant in This Here Holiday Season®™. Especially after the recent LA Times article describing the relationship between wily, feral pigs and their puzzled, outwitted, high-caliber hunters.

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