Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Venezia IT, Mar 23 2023. Many miles and Km from any wedding. Ultra weddings are a world unto their own. Many are born in the sweaty fever of a finish line proposal, where the swain ambushes his maybe-unsuspecting maid with "will you marry me?" Gay couples do your own swaps, it's all the same. Since this is a new world, let's look at likely features! Bride and groom wearing GoPros ultra-celeb livestream voice-over play by play select guests by lottery, others wait-listed team sponsors blow up arch at the altar/finish line chip timed Speculation as to who paces who. I'm sure the competition will be fierce. competing and perhaps complimentary running-themed playlists. All sincere I'm sure, although "White Wedding" and "Let's Pretend We're Married" will appear. Surprise Insta-Bro who jumps up and yells "STAY HARD!!" Breathless fashion updates: “Bride is wearing a high performance cami top with a UD half-cup balconette hydrati

Flip it, flip it real good. In late May 2020, I became interested in Cartomancy, the Playing Card Oracle. Basically its a parallel reading of Tarot, as per one explanation . "Telling fortunes by using regular playing cards is commonly called cartomancy. This article is a basic overview of the symbolic associations of the suits (spades, hearts, diamonds, and clubs), and the numbers and royal court within Western cartomancy." I won't get into the weeds on this-- having wasted too much time in previous life-situations where somehow cards would answer complicated questions. They don't. At best they can offer a cryptic random comment on your situation. When in doubt, look up while driving. The Four Suits     Spades represent challenging tasks or events coming in the future.     Hearts are about feelings, family, home, love, and relationships.     Clubs represent positive things that are coming in the near future.     Diamonds are all about money and finances.    May 30 202

I can see clearly now. Sooner or later, your ultra-romance ends. What started off so fresh has now crashed. All those races, buckles, t-shirts mock you. And maybe a hot hook-up too. You might even have had that finish line marriage proposal, where you said “yes, yes, a thousand times yes”, not realizing it was a fateful ambush in front of total strangers. Or a social-media stunt. It was a simpler time.  The day when a Running Vacation was the shit is also gone. You are hearing, or saying, that ultras suck too much out of whatever life you have, and you/they want to do other things. Its never a fun discussion. Or your health. My health ultra-path [or Journey®™] was: Sept 1989: First ultra, Baldy Peaks 50k. Man, I thought I was truly gonna get laid. Oct 1991. First 100. Man, I thought I was truly gonna get laid. April 1999: Chronic Fatigue-Adjacent. Whatever it was, I was knee-capped, and my first ultra golden age was over. It was a hard quasi-recovery. Buckling becomes remote. Who are a

July 25  or so, 1997. First the froth of sin. The running is good up here, and the betty-sightings are almost epic. Ask Leslie about the Three Cantina Betties. The curly-haired brunette ["Teach Me"], the lush and languid strawberry blonde ["Fuck Me Slow"], and finally the sizzling Latina ["Fuck Me Hard And You Better Not Quit"]. Leslie was cracking up laughing while these 3 criss-crossed the restaurant. I of course was merely appreciating their youthful...enthusiasm. And their combined ages still couldn't get them into MediCare.  [now to the grim broccoli of training, et merde] July 28 97 Kampers: When we last left our hapless hero he was comparing notes on the Three Cantina Betties. With that out of the way for now, he turned his manly attention to the business of running. Oh yes, that. With Jimbo Schedule firmly in hand, the other hand, Sat July 26 commenced with a Double: 25miles AM, 20miles PM. When I awoke at 0300 something in my gut told me I sho

Aug 1 97 Exhumed dispatches from the long-lost summer of 1997  Boulder, Colorado, just now digging out from the bungled Ramsey murder case now has the "Divine Madness' running club in the public eye. We have a Cult That Claims Not To Be A Cult; complete with the charismatic "leader" and his late night lectures, monitored eating habits, a heavy tithing program, and oooooooh boy, the kicker: *Sexual Selection*. That's right folks, Mr Tizer has caught the attention of the press because in addition to piling capricious ultra workout mileage on his club, he's culling out the prize fillies from the herd. Maybe he's also surveying jogbras as well. But seriously, being a coach is a tough job, and you gotta hand it to him. This scam is every guy's Totally Forbidden Fantasy. I can see some of you protesting vigorously "No! Not Me!! My secret fantasy is finding out more about brown urine and potassium imbalance...!, Blisters!! Orthotics...!!!" OK. All

"if you can dream it, you can do it!"       “If you can dream it, you can do it!” said venerable RD For-Life-Ken Hamada from an undisclosed location.  JULY 28 2022/WRIGHTWOOD CA Angeles Crest 100 announced their brand new 36 hour finisher buckles this morning. Public pressure had been building since there were no plans to award buckles for the 33-36hr finishers, except maybe as an NFT. The buckle reflects the new realities of course changes and actuarial probabilities. Servers reportedly crashed on the news.

  “I wouldn’t be in your situation…” Thus said Chuckie, the Cheez-Kutting Cougar. Star of the trail noir classic “Touchez Pas à Ma Merde”, where he uttered the unforgettable “J'ai pris les collations de Dom, baise-le!” Chuckie seriously doesn’t give a fuck about your training run. Or your race.

June 30 2022, Sacramento CA. California Dept of Motor Vehicles announced a new commemorative plate: the FOMOCAM. It honors the sacrifices of amateur camera-operators at the 2022 Western States 100 , who selflessly inserted themselves into glory between working professionals and team athletes. FOMOCAM embodies the tireless efforts of those who are called to collide with reality, as legends in their own minds.   Meanwhile, Colorado, not wanting to be left out, or leave money on the table, announced its two-tier FOMOCAM plate. Colorado bet that there would be an even larger number of FOMOCAM aspirants. The Tier One CO FOMOCAM plate is in honor of famed and exclusive Hardrock 100 . Only 147 of these plates will be issued by lottery, not counting the the 18 international rollovers and RD Dale Garland's Pick-Six. The Waitlist is reportedly almost 48.   The Tier Two CO FOMOCAM plate is in honor of the venerable Leadville Trail 100 , with its related LifeTime®™ family of races spanning The