Tuesday, June 09, 2009

AC100 Training Stories, Pt I

























Jim O'Brien setting the course record in 1989. This iconic photo was taken by Stan Wagon, then editor of UltraRunning Magazine.

We once asked Jim O'Brien if he'd ever bonked on an Angeles Crest training run. He said "on every section".

GEAR FETISHES


The current gear-item to have right now is a bladder-pack. Originally designed by and for guys-n-gals who were running long distances in very hot places like Arizona, Utah and so on, where there was no water for big miles.

Look at what Jim is carrying. Nothing except for 2 small bottles. Doesn't that tell you something? He's a racer, not a freight-hauler.

[Just a thought for all the racers out there humping along in their multi-pounded vests with the petri-dish bladders...]

Training is one thing. Race day is another. People get used to carrying all that stuff. I remember Jimmy saying on each stage "carry only what you need". I know that on my first AC, my fannypack was 20lb of junk—and I wasn't carrying a Walkman!

Have a seat. I'm going to tell you a couple of stories about training on the AC100 course.

1991: One Day In the Endless Summer

I remember an especially stupid day when a marathon dick showed up at one of the official training runs. One bottle, no cap, no shirt. The day's run was Short Cut Saddle to Millard Campground. He wanted to know how come there weren't "aid stations like at Western?"; you know, chocolate-covered strawberries and all, like at the Memorial Day WS Camp. I told him that this was AC, and we did things differently——this is a DIY show. He wasn't too happy.

The descent into the West Fork was an east-west convection oven.

We got to Chantry, I refilled my bottles, and booked. Just below the Mt Wilson Toll Rd somebody says "...he's got no water".

Guess who? Yep. Everybody looks at me w/ my 4 bottles. I shared it out w/ him. It only got better. Now he's spooked. Its way hot, even in the shade.

The Upper Winter Creek Trail at that time peaked out on Manzanita Ridge. We are now in blazing, ion-pelting mid-afternoon sun. He's babbling about its 'only 9 miles to Millard'. I told him to shut the fuck up, to conserve water in the heat, and also to rein in his fear. The Toll Road contours down and west, picking up shade on the way down. Pretty soon we're down in Idle Hour. Fortunately there was water in Idle Hour Creek.

He said "its only* 5 miles to Millard now", like it was a sidewalk exercise.

"No, these are mountain miles..."

I gave him some dried apricots, put his ass in the creek to cool off, and told him to drink, and wait for the others. Then I took off.

Uncle Hal was sweep that day. This sad dick hung on to Hal's coat-tails. Later Hal told me he got to the truck and 'just laid there for at least an hour...' When Hal does that, you know its bad.

Yes, that was the summer of '91 just before my 1st AC. Another reason I credit my priors in backcountry travel and backpacking in the necessity of 'self-insert/self extract', aka Libertarianism That Matters.

1996: Make Your Plans and Pick Your Friends Carefully

My favorite bonk session was between Idle Hour and 3pts Labor Day Weekend '96.

Day 1: 40 miles
Wrightwood to Three Points. I'd made the mistake of believing Another Group Of Runners that they'd have water waiting. Only problem, I outran them. I was dry from Cloudburst to 3 pts. I got to the car, and drained a couple of jugs. Fell into my car, drove down to Chilao Campground, where I was camping out that weekend, same as the Other Group Of Runners .

Got cleaned up, made dinner, getting ready for Sunday. The Group Of Runners straggled in. Watched them eat chips and screw around, then eat in the dark. I was in bed and done. Several tried to get me to run from Chantry to Finish. Declined.

Day 2: 35 miles
Up at 0430. Gone by 0515 to 3pts. Ran to Chantry, met a friend as per pre-arrangement. Heard that somebody stood the Group Of Runners up, and they drove around trying to figure out what to do. My day—fulfilled. Their day—unbilled.

Day 3: 25 miles
Long story short: made my own plans as some guy's wife in the Group Of Runners decided she didn't want to give me a ride from Finish Line to Chantry like she agreed. Why? The queen bee of the Group Of Runners decided she wanted do an out-n-back from Chilao to the bottom of West Fork, and the rest of the group fell right in line.

I raced to a pay phone, and called my girlfriend, who gracefully agreed to meet me at the Finish Line at 05:45, to schlepp my ass to Chantry. She'd still make her 8AM tennis match. Save!

When I left Chantry I was dead meat. It had been a long weekend. By the top of Mt Wilson I started feeling better. I'd heard that Ben Hian, Tommy Nielsen and some others were somewhere behind me. I ran like hell. Saw them on Echo Mtn, took off. Never caught me. Figured it would never happen in a race, so why not?

That weekend I ran the entire course just the way I had it planned out. Best confidence builder ever. I buckled three weeks later in 23:50, paced by my coach, Jim O'Brien.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

My Favorite Gun-Show Things




















Beef jerky and do-rags, and dorks all in camo,
Reloads, factory and off-caliber ammo,
AKs and Mausers all tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things!

Marpat and feldgrau and ebay’d Nazi doodles,
T-shirts shriek slogans from famed right-wing poodles,
Conspiracy theories that fly on brown wings,
These are a few of my favorite things!

Hot babes in heels are not often seen here,
Mainly paunchy white guys who are mostly has-beens peer,
Musing sour reflections on a trigger spring,
These are a few of my favorite things!

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Friday, May 15, 2009

Grab A Cadaver: 2009 Update

Parts Is Parts!

Selling body parts is an evergreen scandal. There's always a need, and supplies are limited. More or less.

We here at Hellmouth Amalgamated PolySci always believe that recycling is good for everybody. So if you missed this original commentary from March 2004, you're in for a treat. Its still fresh and tasty.

Human behaviour has a long shelf-life. Dig in!

I am and remain,
yr Humboldt Obliviant Idiom Savant

Erasmus Binkster Rfp, SoQ, AMf
Chancellor Emeritii
Hellmouth Amalgamated PolySci
Hellmouth CA




Update: May 15 '09!

Businessman found guilty in UCLA's willed body-parts program scandal

Body broker Ernest V. Nelson, top, with defense attorney Sean McDonald, listens as he is convicted of selling cadaver parts for $1.5 million to private medical research companies.

The body broker collected $1.5 million by selling cadaver parts to private medical research companies. A juror also faults the university for 'allowing something like this.'


Read more on this at the InjuryBoard.com website, which makes the LA Times look like the Weekly Reader its become in recent years.

[h/t Mary C for forwarding the InjuryBoard.com link, and who knows one or two things about the dark side of human behavior]
==============

Mar 10, 2004
A satiric comment on the current body-part scandal at UCLA.


Grab A Cadaver
[with no apologies to the Steve Miller Band]

I heat up, I can't cool down
You got me chopping
'round and 'round
'round and 'round, and 'round it goes
At UCLA, with these donated bones

Every time I get the call,
I pack my bag, I'm roaming the halls
Bodies donated--to science and more,
There's green to be had--deep in the gore!

Grab a Cadaver
I wanna reach out and slab ya
Slab-a Grab a Cadaver
Grab a Cadaver

I drive on campus, a monkey paw
Sack of tools, a power saw
Dead people wait to feel my love
I get a grip with a rubber glove.

Grab a Cadaver
I wanna reach out and slab ya
Slab-a Grab a Cadaver
Grab a Cadaver

I start work, I make a mess
I hate working under duress
Muscle and tendon, gristle and bone
Get paid by the piece by working alone

There's magic and romance in those eyes
Each one of them goin--to different guys
What the hell! the heart is blue
Buy the whole set and the liver goes too!

Grab a Cadaver
I wanna reach out and slab ya
Slab-a Grab a Cadaver
Grab a Cadaver

I work a chop shop, call it by name
Makin' my rent by the midnight flame
Burnin flame, like my van's bald tires
I'll be through any minute, I'm old and I'm tired.

Choppin bodies, at UCLA
Partin out parts, that's how it goes
Choppin bodies, at UCLA
Partin out parts, that's how it goes
Choppin bodies, at UCLA
Partin out parts, that's how it goes

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Kent State / Jackson State

I was fourteen, living in Athens Ohio, home of Ohio University; when we got news of the shootings at Kent State.

The Kent State shootings convulsed the campus, leading to riots, the closing of the University, and then a 14-day occupation by the Ohio National Guard. The iconic Carl Fleischhauer photo shows a Guardsman standing guard on Court Street under the Varsity Theatre marquee, which was showing "Z" the night the riots erupted. A less interesting picture is here.

The leadup to the shootings had been preceded by monumental demonstrations against Nixon's Cambodia Invasion, which widened the war.

The events at Kent State were posted teletypes on the window of Koon's Records, a local record store owned by a guy who liked his news fresh, hence the teletype. As each update came in the mood got worse. The two-day teach-ins that had accompanied the invasion were overtaken by the news of the shootings.

That night the rioting started. Pitched battles between "heads", opportunists, "Greeks" and then the local police began in earnest. By the end of the night I'd witnessed people getting their heads knocked in, random looting, small-town police cars racing through the streets firing shotgunned tear-gas canisters as bricks rained down on them.

I got home at 1:30 in the morning, I ran in, breathlessly telling my dad that "the fucking pigs are tear-gassing everybody".

He'd been in the Varsity Theatre watching "Z". The lights came on halfway through the picture, when the theatre manager Mr. Powers walked out on stage. Mr. Powers announced that the rioting was starting to intensify, and that it would be a good idea to go home. The theatre was dark for the next three weeks.

My dad looked at me and started shouting: "You little shit! I've been calling the morgue, hospitals and jails to find out if they'd gotten any minors! Now shut the fuck up and go to bed! NOW!"

The Young Revolutionary, smacked down.

The next day, everything was closed. We drove out of town to Cincinnati, and watched convoys of National Guards rolling into Athens. The town was under curfew for 14 days afterwards. The NG bivouacked at the football stadium. Periodically a Huey gunship would circle over the town.

Athens was remote, and the story has been pretty well forgotten. Nobody got killed, and certainly no white people died.

With the shootings at Jackson State, it made sense that nobody particularly cared. After all, Mark Hampton of the Panthers had been shot dead in his bed the year before. The draft had been hoovering up poor blacks, whites, and other left-behinds of the Great Society. Future luminaries like John Ashcroft, Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney all took exceptional advantage of deferments at this time.

Col David Hackworth's book "About Face" described the invasion as strategically correct, but a colossal mistake, being at least five years too late. From the standpoint of a guerilla war, he is correct. He also understood clearly that by 1969, the notion of a "winnable" war was a grotesque lie and air-conditioned fantasy.

As a footnote: "Four Dead In Ohio" by CSNY was banned by the Ironton, Ohio City Council shortly after it began being played. I wonder if the ban still holds.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

"Don't You Want Me, Baby?" Revisited


a duet, as reinterpreted by a drunken, jobless fund manager

You were working as a stripper in a Christian Bar
That much is true
I picked you out, I pumped you up, and turned you out
Spun you into someone new
Now five years later on you've got your bitchaz on your tweet
Success has been so easy for you
But don't forget its me who put you where you are now
And I can outsource you back down too

Don't, don't you want me?
You know I cant believe it when I hear that you wont see me
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that I'm drunk and needy
Its much too late to find
You think you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry

Can't I beat you baby? don't you want me — oh
Don't you want my teabag baby? don't you want me —oh

and his soon-to-be ex-trophy wife

I was working as a stripper in a Christian Bar
But so were you
But even then I'd be sitting on a better face
Either with or without you
The five years we have had have been such good times
I still owe you
But now I think its time I lived my life on my own
I guess its just time to say "fuck you!"

Monday, March 30, 2009

VeloMania: I Build A Front Bike Rack


I wanted a front rack on my urban MTB, but did not have a lot of money to spend on either a really good or really bad rack. This is how I built it.

There are several DIY sites out there on how to build a bike rack.

Materials used:

[3] 36 x 1 x 1/8" aluminum bar stock

1 length of bar stock will be the horizontal box, overlapped and pop-riveted together.
1 length of bar stock will be both down-struts.
1 length of bar stock will be the deck w/ backstop.

[2] 1" hose clamps

[2] 3" double-stick foam tape, for each fork

Pop rivets or stove bolts, as necessary for assembly

I used a pop-rivet gun to secure the struts to the rack, and the deck to the assembled rack. You could easily use stove-bolts, I just had the pop-rivet gun handy.

GENERAL ASSEMBLY

This is all DIY improvised, based on available materials, and trying to get as much out it as possible. Your measurements will vary.

BOLT ASSEMBLY ON FORKS


Here is Mr Hose-Clamp/Strut Support. Take care when drilling the hole for the bolt--it has to clear the hex-slot head, not interfere with the wheels, and be accessible. Wrap the fork where you want the pipe clamp with the double-stick foam carpet tape.

Wrap forks and seat the clamps, with bolt facing outward, same angle as the axle. The closer you can get to this, the better. There is some play, but not much.


BENDING THE STOCK FOR THE MAIN DECK ASSEMBLY



Mark your center on the first 36" piece. Make all your bends from the center out! You will wrap the remainders to the back, where they will be pop riveted or bolted. Then drill the center hole through both thicknesses for the hex-head carriage bolt. This is a great way to hide your mistakes.

Bar shown bent and ready for drilling. I used a small wood-vise I picked up years ago at a swap meet. Score bar lightly with w/ a hacksaw at the desired bends.

Attach completed box assembly to bike frame, shown below:
This will give you a far more precise measurement for your struts. Once again, this was in the "improv" zone.


DOWN STRUTS AND ATTACHING TO THE FORKS


1 length of bar stock will be both down-struts. Measure, cut on angle, file the ends. This way one cut yields 2 correct angles. File edges w/ 14" mill file, round-overs so you don't shred yourself. Hand fit each strut. There will be slight variances.

Rule of thumb suggests that the strut at it narrowest can be 3x the width of the washer head for strength and stability. More is better, but I had to accomodate the hose-clamp bolt seats.


Below: Rack assembled, struts pop-riveted to deck assembly.


FINAL DECK AND BACKSTOP / SECURING AND DRILLING

1 length of bar stock will be the deck w/ backstop.
Piece has been bent in the other small vise I had. Small angle faces front, down on the main assembly.

Piece has been bent in the other small vise I had, in an angular "S"configuration.

Here the long and the traverse sections are c-clamped together for drilling. The un-punched pop-rivet is shown in the first hole, prior to being punched in with the pop-rivet gun.

Final finishing will be a scrap length flush to the top of he longer bend. Make sure to secure it to the front of the upright.

A C-clamp helps enormously. Vise grips would do nicely also.

Yes, this was all done in my kitchen. I miss my wood-shop.


Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Question Posed


"the road to Genovia leads through Gevalia".

I delayed putting in a fresh sheet in as I pondered this hard fact. My espresso got cold. The phone, an enigmatic onyx sphinx, remained silent.

“Zastava Smackdown”, p 241.
by Giovanni Nessuno
Rome, 1991