J-Tree VisionKwest 2: The Unfolding Kontinues [xl]

Joshua Tree, April 2000. Dana and Andy getting solar-hammered while I was dragging ass behind.

 

This is sole remaining evidence of a Truly Lost Weekend. 

Ominous Foreshadowing Intro

Hanta ho, Truth Seekers.

Mark the weekend of 7-9 April on your patriarchal, anthropocentric calendars as the time of this year's Millennial Visionkwest. Our Y2K theme, the brainchild of Mr. Trail Safety, is "Verlangen nach Dekonstruktion" [Appetite for Deconstruction]. Prepare accordingly.

More information to follow, as the weekend looms closer.

THE MAIN EVENT
J-Tree VisionKwest 2: The Unfolding Kontinues [xl]

Now is the time that opportunistic and eager scriveners set down for All Time the Truth of What Was, and the What Was Is and Remains... Joshua Tree: The Millenial VisionKwest 2. Searchers for their Krystal Visions®™ got exactly this, and no less.

Casino Bingo was the Intellectual Author of the Kwest.
Draw Poker was his single-degreed accomplice.
And these two Intellectual Morons proceded to Rock The Haus. And this is how it began.

Let's start with Friday afternoon. After driving in from the torporous and languid fleshpots of 29 Palms, when we discovered that the campgrounds were full. And being in full Spring-Break mode, every Kollege and RV Asshole in America wanted a cheap place to park... rat bastards all.

After gnashing our teeth, driving past Backcountry Boards that had glimmers of truth on them, we dropped off Mr Bingo at Jumbo Rocks. Mr Poker & Ms Fry Bread hurtled around. On returning we discovered that Rick & Suzanne had Saved our Narrow Asses, Big-Time. Our Barking Ducks were not cooked. They had arrived on Thursday nite.

After a release of anxieties and methanities, Bingo and Poker decided to "have a look" at the Smith Cyn portion of Saturday's run. It was to be a "2-hour tour", 10 miles RT. We set out from the Quail Springs TH. We followed the Garden Path, which turned into a gradually declining stream bed. We made a hard left turn and began exploring up Smith Cyn. It became evident why it was referred to as 'unmaintained' trail. With 2hrs effort and exertions, our foreplay gained us almost to the next trail junction. We turned back the way we came. This was starting to look pretty serious. We got our asses kicked, and didn't want the same fun and jollity for all the participants. More on this in a bit.

We got back to camp by after dark. Leslie "Ms Giftshop Turquoise" Sowle didn't have a chance to find out if my holographic will really works. We discussed our findings with the remaining arrivals: Geri, John & Dana. My ass was dragging.

Saturday morning was warm and still. Decisions were made. We had yet to find out that our map calculations were off by 20%.

THE FULL TICKET DEATH-MARCH: 28 miles
Indian Cove to Keys Rd
Dana, Andy

THE DIET PORTION HELL-SKIP
19mile Quail Springs to Keys Rd
Larry, joining Dana & Andy at 8.9 miles in.

THE REALLY SMART 'DONE BY NOON' ROUTE
8.9 Miles of Indian Cove to Quail Springs Rick, Suzanne, [dogs], Leslie & Liz

AND SOMETHING ELSE ALTOGETHER, LATER ON: Geri & John

Cars divvied up and drove to their respective trailheads. I drove to back Quail Springs and waited for Andy & Dana. I had a headache. My ass was still dragging, and I was nursing waffleprints on my particulars. I would be adding to the collection soon.

Andy & Dana showed up. I strapped on all 4 bottles and set off with them. Today's flavor was 'Melted Gumball'. I was saving 'Blue Urinal Cake' for Sunday, the better to repent my sins with.

We saved about 15 minutes in the first portion leading into Smith Cyn by angling across a burn. This burn enabled us to travel up Smith Cyn, as it had scorched acres of canyon brush.

After sand slogging and bank-hopping, we reached a 10' slick-rock wall. Climbing up it, we began to really hit those 28-minute miles thru 15' tall cane and saplings, with the pungent tang of sheep-shit to lull us onward. The remaining stream water in this narrow defile was thick and green. It was the only time my feet have ever gotten wet in Joshua Tree.

Pausing for a shade break in one of Dildo's Caves®™, the traveller sees that this landscape is utterly indifferent to you. It is also not a place to stick hands in dark places, the occupants take exception to that. I began to wish I was a bighorn sheep. We carried on.

Back out into the sun. Continuing up the canyon, we made the intersection with the California Riding & Hiking Trail. After a deceptively long 3 mile ascent over blackened slopes, we got a sight of the Salton Sea far off to the southeast. It was plenty hot, but nowhere near it's summer glory of 115+.

Following the trail led us to a long switchback ascent. A lot can happen between 80' contours. A 'map-moment' was called. There was doubt as to where we were. The concensus was to follow it out to the top, and then decide. Lucky for us, it kept right on going where it was supposed to. Had we turned back and hunted for a presumed junction, we would have been out there a lot longer.

Following the CR&HT eastward, it began to reassume it's remembered contours. Barking Ducks stalked us in our progress, their distinctive honks. They are a hardy and persistent species, with an astonishing distribution and range.

Two miles from the end, we were treated to Gawd In Bike Shortz, Mr Rick Spady himself, who met us with a gallon of cold water. I can think of no better time to get religion than that.

We called it a day at Keys Rd. I was barking like a toy-dog in a pink Cadillac, wanting to ride up front in the booster pillow. We all drove back to camp, where by stages a BBQ unfolded, Poetry was declaimed, and the Teletubbie Cave-Man TV was conjured for the Benefit of All.

On Sunday, The 3 Witless Caballeros of Dana, Andy & Larry did a mild 12-mile loop that ended near Skull Rock. If it is marked, then tourists will stop, and this is no exception. We passed by the Desert Queen Mine ruins, and wondered how Jim Morrison ever got out of there alive. Riding the Snake is more than meets whatever eye you bear on it.

And thus concluded the 2nd Annual VisionKwest.

Future VisionKwests will hew more closely to the mandate of the ancestors, and will be held on an obscure weekend in January or February like the First One. It will no doubt be chillier, but without the distractions of the muscle-headed Jagermeister poolside set that infests J-Tree in the Springtime.

Thanks to all for coming, and coming hard! 

------------------------
J-Tree VisionKwest Participants:

Leslie "Ms Giftshop Turquoise" Sowle
Andy "Casino Bingo" Roth &
Liz "Indian Fry Bread" Boyd
Geri Kilgariff & John Burke
Suzanne Williams, Rick Spady w/ Frank & Lucy, Wonder Dogs [NorCal Div.]
Dana Taylor
And Yours truly, Mr Trail Safety/Draw Poker