Mr Trail Safety Speaks!

Raymond Chandler needed Scotch to write a dope report. What's holding you back? You're stuck with writing a Race Report that will stun even the most clueless at how fucking Awesome You Really Are.  Here at D&L Industries, we have vast experience in these matters. So go ahead, jump in, and bust a literary nut. You'll be done before lunch.  THE STANDARD NARRATIVE STARTS HERE: I arrived at [race] I met [folks] I ate the big pasta dinner at [locale]  I got up the next morning and took a good long [euphemism]. But this is really not all about you. You're running this to raise awareness for*: a Special Cause a disenfranchised group a donations page astro-turfed altruism #orphaned hash-tags The race began. Things were looking pretty good.  My splits were pretty near the [lotto numbers] I had planned. my iPods weren't in the drop-bags, but I was upbeat At about mile [tbd] I began to  barf blister heat chill hallucinate ...

The Ultrarunner's Low-Archy of Needs The UltraRunner's Low-Archy of Needs was first proposed in 1994 during the D&L Colloquiums which have been studying what motivates brain-dead trail runners. Further research and study [Bingo:1997] suggested that esoteric stimuli-respond cues played a large part in cortical devolution. Further insights on the nature of sonic dissonance/interpretations of Antonio Carlos Jobim's "Girl From Ipanema [Fopak:1999] were seminal in the pursuit of relativity, and shit. Mapping this conceptual terrain had defied space, time and logic. It "must've gotten lost, somewhere down the line", but was recovered, not just waiting for the end of the world.

This could be you. Have a nice day. I originally posted this in 1999 or so. It has a long shelf-life and the mouth-feel is still wonderful. Recently there have been a spate of anguished "drops" from the UltraList regarding content, tone, and suitability of the message, if not the messenger. Inasmuch as the majority of these messages appear to be from relative newcomers to the sport, or the List, some clarifications are necessary. I want to thank Suzi Shearer and Laurie Staton for their historical reviews of basic Ultra Facts, such as "Grand Slam" info and other epistolary nuggets they kindly shared out amongst all of us. Be glad they paid attention to your requests...they are wonderful people with busy lives of their own. Also: The List is not a 7-11 One-Stop Info-Dump Carry-Out designed to get Newbies thru "Baby's First Ultra". It is a bulletin board. Most of the posts are superfluous and meaningless. Some are even pretty funny, intentional...