Mr Trail Safety's Kare-Bear Ultras

In response to rising concern about the Safety Factor In Ultras®™,
Mr Trail Safety is happy to announce the creation of Kare-Bear Ultras.

Is this Evolution or Kreationism? Ponder that warm fuzzy thought while we happily spool thru the following features:

THE RACE COURSES:

* HO-Scaled 50k, 50Mile, 100k and 100-mile courses.
This HO scale is not what tourists go to Bangkok or Vegas for,
but we'll make adjustments *just* for you. Because you are *special*

THE COURSES WILL ALL BE:

* Gently Rolling
* Carpeted in PGA Spec-Compliant Turf
* Tree Shaded by Genuine Virgin Old Growth Brazilian Mahogany
* Moonlit as Necessary
* Marked with Glow Sticks and Really Kute Animated Animated Trolls that
grunt and point.

THE AID STATIONS WILL STOCK:

* Oversize Milkshakes in vanilla only
* Yummy Mommy-safe Power Pudding
* Tip-proof 80oz Sippie-Kups
* NoFat Irradiated Devilled Eggs
* Free-Range Not-too-Spicy KimChee
* Reclining Ergonomic Wide-Butt Lay-Zee-Boy Doubble-Wide Recliners
* Keepsake gingham pillows to nappy-nap on

THE VOLUNTEERS ARE:

* Certified Past-Life Regression Cat Therapists
* Sincere Concerned Trained Valet Parking Scratch-Free Experts
* Highly Trained Bladder Fillers and Emptiers
* Cordon-Bleu Sous-Chefs at every other Aid Station
* Svelte Doe-Eyed Eco-Femmes From the exotic Bang Slap Prang Archipelago
for all you UltraDewds out there

THE WEATHER WILL BE:

* Exempt from laws of Gawd®, Man, State & Local Ordinance & Kustom
* Pretty Much the Way You Want It

YOUR EXPERIENCE WILL BE:

* Adventure, or Adventure Lite
* Your Soundtrack will be available on CD exactly when you finish, FREEEEEEEE!
* You innermost dialogues with whichever Gawd You Choose
will be recorded on Hi-8 video

YOUR AWARDS WILL BE

* The best gol-danged awards any ultra-boy or -girl could ever hope for!

YOUR ENTRY FEES WILL BE:

* Comped by kind-hearted elderly philanthropists in a distant city.
They made their fortunes in Land Mines and Nerve Gas. Now they're having
Second Thoughts as Death approaches, and need a really good tax write-off.

Wishing all of you the best in responsibility-free Adventure-Lite ultrarunning,

bone regards,

Mr Trail Safety

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