Am I alone in the raw nipple zone?
For most runs over 2 hours in the pouring rain,
With ground all wet and muddy,
I begin to experience tactile pain,
With hair-shirts turning bloody.
Surely many of you have experienced this exciting effect,
But I've come up with ingenious methods of cure!
Without resorting to a 7% Solution
And for mortification I will defer,
That Suffering is The Logical Conclusion.
The best news I could hear,
Is that my nips will cease to be affected.
I'll not slap the Bag Balm, nor apply the duct tape,
For my Path Has Now been Selected.
I'll straighten my Turban, and declaim: "Beulah, peel me a grape!"
--Indolent in Hollywood, Lady Gee-Spot