When life gave me lard, I made LardAid

LardAid process monitor at the Catalytic Lateral Inertial Tower.

When life gave me lard, I made LardAid.

Ever wanted 3000 calories on tap, ready to burn 70 miles into that 100? Or do you know some kale-n-broccoli smoothie victim that just needs that extra something outta life? 

The answer is LardAid®™. Harvested from only the finest vintage ultra-talent, not the cheap filler from obese, sclerotic couch-dwellers. 

LardAid is available as injection, vape, or a topical application.

LardAid was first revealed by Obscure Mexican Mystic Dr Sevende Sandia in 2005. D&L Holistic Industries chemists isolated the unique properties, and have brought it to you, the conflicted ultra-gearhead. 

In full disclosure, here are some possible side-effects of LardAid:

  • Latent memories of Cuban cigars
  • Recollection of fart-jokes
  • Remembering “Letters to Penthouse Editor”
  • A sudden desire for single-malt Scotch
  • Knowing the occult meaning of LS/MFT

After LardAid, I was striding up Horn-Dog Cyn in to the lowering cloud cover, a veritable swirling “Crullers In The Mist” scenario. Confidently modeling the Patagonia Regular Guy-Sized Wardrobe. You know, muffin-topped, barrel-chested, relaxed-fit dude-wear. Because for some odd-reason, I’m not 6’3” 140 lbs.

Never again would I weep into my Instagram account. I’ve overcome before, and thanks to LardAid, will do so again.


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