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Showing posts from July, 2010

Springtime for Dipshits!

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Apple refutes persistent claims that the new iPhones only work for hot vegan betties who hold them level like bonsai trays and coo into them while driving Mini-Coopers.
3 hours ago
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Mel Gibson holds solitary prayer vigil as Polanski's lawyers lose 11th-hour Swiss asylum bid for Lindsay Lohan.
16 hours ago
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Lindsay Lohan goes to jail! Officials scramble on capping and top-kill strategies. Meanwhile, Larry King, Droning Predator, dreams of taking to the skies again.
Yesterday at 6:39am
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I offer my considerable expertise as a Certified Entropy Coach to help you miss your true potential, so you may squander your worth, and enter the next bardo completely at a loss. Pre-paid plans only, operators standing by.
July 17 at 1:08pm
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Anthem-Blue Cross reportedly studying current North Korean medical practices to enhance profit delivery.
July 16 at 10:59am
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Weekend Movie Pr…

The Change Of Shapes To Come

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Nostalgia Ain't What It Used To Be

Getting back in shape hurts. I was haunted by what I knew what I used to do. I'm not trying to recover my youth—I needed to recover a new definition of fitness, and decided that I had to start pushing it again.

I lucked out. There's a gym in the office park I work in. I can ride my bike 10-1/2miles from home, into a shower. What a luxury! Looking around the gym, I noticed weight machines, and the hook: a free physical assessment.

The verdict confirmed the anecdotal: I'd put on 20lbs over my prime fighting weight, my arms were Gumbyesque, torso and core strength was kinda sad, and my Hannah Montana man-bra was getting snug.

What to do now, middle-aged man-child? I had the nice fitness pro cook up a program to build strength and fitness. She did, and two days later, I was shown the exercises. Soon my arms burned, my torso screamed, and I was pushing out sweat beads the size of buckshot. I hurt.

A Further Definition of a Boombastic Lifestyle.…