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Showing posts from 2010

A Poem For Spring

Desdemona and Terrazzo are featured in a dramatic reading of "A Poem For Spring", wherein a dewy maiden proclaims her troth to the virile and enigmatic Forest Prince.

Is It Still The Same When I'm Not There?

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An office romance explores the differences between men's and women's notions of sexuality.

If Carhartt Made Wedding Dresses…

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"La Paloma de Alba" This lovely two-piece bib overall mermaid gown has delicate, feminine details throughout. From the hand-beaded, antique-finish nickel hardware brooch detail on the sweetheart bodice, to the cascading rose at the hip, it is a gorgeous dress for the modern bride.
Field-Tested, multiple tool and utility pockets. Faux-braided ribbon closure at back; breakaway honeymoon closure on side. Made of 11.75-ounce, 100% denim cotton, with triple-stitched main seams, satin-polyester facings and taffeta trim material. Also available in Nomex®™.Shown in Sandstone. Available in Moss, Dark Green and Enhanced Black.

Suck it Up, Cupcake

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Geoff Roes in the final 100 yards of his record-setting 15hr 07min Western States 100 win. Finish line at Western States 100, Auburn, CA. June 26 2010.

Today I'm going to slit the throat of some sacred cows. First out of the box was this on-line hilarity: "When your runs aren't fun anymore", which cited the following:
running not funtired legsdiscomfortOh my. If I'd quit when "running wasn't fun" I'd never get past the 50-yard line. On a downhill course. Meet our constant companion, homeostasis.

Briefly, it means "The ability or tendency of an organism or cell to maintain internal equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes." In plain language: never moving off your comfort zone. Common example: people hovering in a Costco parking lot trying to get the spot closest to the door. It usually involves a lot of ass-time. You're going to have to step out in order to move up.

This past weekend I was on a run 20% longer in time, and 1…

Smøüldering Midget X: Rise Of The Spin Cycle

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A real runner, not me, a long time ago.

Smøüldering Midget X commenced under a brightening gray-light with a breathtaking roster of talent. The event sponsors were pleased at the massive turnout which would maximize viral marketing efforts for D&L Holistic Industries' "Trail Porn Light", Offshore Vacuum Party Gmbh, Hannah Montana Man-Bras, and "Sturdy, the Feral Mule" Outdoor Leadership, LLC.

In the end, this event would yield a surprising new development to the traditional "Thing 1/Thing 2 Kontest fur World Domination®™". Since Ian Torrence was a no-show, I moved up a full 3 places. Full deets below the jump.

THE PERSONALITIES

MISS MIWOK
In a category all her own, she'd expressed pre-event speculation that as a rapidly-aging, over-the-hill mother of a young daughter, would be slow, etc. In a rare lucid moment, I didn't bet her on the outcome, and so did not forfeit the pink-slip to my car, house, speedboat and ATV. She also played her cards…

Springtime for Dipshits!

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Apple refutes persistent claims that the new iPhones only work for hot vegan betties who hold them level like bonsai trays and coo into them while driving Mini-Coopers.
3 hours ago
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Mel Gibson holds solitary prayer vigil as Polanski's lawyers lose 11th-hour Swiss asylum bid for Lindsay Lohan.
16 hours ago
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Lindsay Lohan goes to jail! Officials scramble on capping and top-kill strategies. Meanwhile, Larry King, Droning Predator, dreams of taking to the skies again.
Yesterday at 6:39am
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I offer my considerable expertise as a Certified Entropy Coach to help you miss your true potential, so you may squander your worth, and enter the next bardo completely at a loss. Pre-paid plans only, operators standing by.
July 17 at 1:08pm
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Anthem-Blue Cross reportedly studying current North Korean medical practices to enhance profit delivery.
July 16 at 10:59am
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Weekend Movie Pr…

The Change Of Shapes To Come

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Nostalgia Ain't What It Used To Be

Getting back in shape hurts. I was haunted by what I knew what I used to do. I'm not trying to recover my youth—I needed to recover a new definition of fitness, and decided that I had to start pushing it again.

I lucked out. There's a gym in the office park I work in. I can ride my bike 10-1/2miles from home, into a shower. What a luxury! Looking around the gym, I noticed weight machines, and the hook: a free physical assessment.

The verdict confirmed the anecdotal: I'd put on 20lbs over my prime fighting weight, my arms were Gumbyesque, torso and core strength was kinda sad, and my Hannah Montana man-bra was getting snug.

What to do now, middle-aged man-child? I had the nice fitness pro cook up a program to build strength and fitness. She did, and two days later, I was shown the exercises. Soon my arms burned, my torso screamed, and I was pushing out sweat beads the size of buckshot. I hurt.

A Further Definition of a Boombastic Lifestyle.…