Trail Porn: The Secret Of My Success







































Trail Porn®™ Can Label. Courtesy of D&L Industries 1995


People have asked me "how did you train back in the day, and keep your strength up?" The secret ingredient: Trail Porn. And now, for the first time, the ingredients are visible for all.

Load Up Like A Peasant, Light Up Like A King™

TrailPorn®™ has been America's Number One Favorite free-range pre-race loading and unloading dietary supplement for as long as we've been making it. Now the same great taste and chewy mouth-feel is here in the new, modern TrailPorn Lite®™.

This nutritionious, savory, and versatile product is a virtual-reality accompaniment to every part of your culinary experience, from pickled cabbage to vanilla ice cream. Look for the single-serving tetra-packs!

Preparation: Serve either hot or cold, as a first course or canape supplement or appetizer. Stove top, micro-wave or tail-pipe friendly.Some settling may occur as this product was packed at full-volume
while you wait. Hey now!

Ingredients:
  • 92% more Free-Range Heat
  • 69% more Organic Dust
  • Stove-pipe Dreams (wet & dry),
  • 12.45% more Cheese (head, anecdotal, soy, other)
  • channeled past-life letters to Penthouse FORUM
  • Nitro-Charged Funny-Car Testosterone
  • Cooper Canyon Methane byproducts
  • near-Genital Poison Oak clusters
  • Free-radicalized Estrogen essential sauces & vapors
  • Hydrogenated LPE (Limbaugh Paranoiac Extract 3%USP)
  • Rancid Nipple Lube
  • Fermented Mangoplex Extracts
  • topically-applied SPF-40 Weasel-Jizz
  • “alternative life-style” musings and speculations
  • Power Bars shaped into even funnier little animals
  • Vincent Gap Aid Station Glacier Ice
  • Cindy Crawford’s WonderBra (.0001%)
  • Dumpster Diving Road Kill
  • Baden-Powell Repeats (why are 20,000 Boy Scouts lost?)
  • Recovered-Memory TV-show Jingles 2
  • Organic Inert solids (2%),
  • Inorganic Inert gases (2%)
  • Other Gases (12%), a zesty blend of Earthy Spices, Natural flavors, Dyes, and Concepts
  • BHT & Glycol added to preserve flavor.
Hand-packed by svelte doe-eyed Indonesian virgin ecofemmes exclusively for D&L Holistic Humour Industries. No animals were coerced, harmed or fudge-packed except as necessary for profits.

Bon Apetit!

PS: The little men on the can? That's me and my home-boy Dave Turner.

"I feel so abused!" >> "... you'll adjust!??"

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