Tipping mountain bikers

Dearest Phillip S:

On the subject of manners and mannerisms I will endeavour to elucidate the answer least appropriate to the strictures of time, space and convention.

The Valley Forge trail is not popular with mountain bikers, which limits recreational tipping opportunities for the trail runner. There is something inherently satisfying about the sound of the wind in the trees, birds and squirrels having running feuds, and the fading shrieks of a mountain-biker going over the side of a trail after they've tried to run you down. It's times like these when I feel very close to Nature.
How much does one tip mountain bikers? 15%, 20%? Or does one try to tip them all?

The percentages refer to the leading-edge velocity [analogous to a helo-rotor] of a Powerbar, rattan cane, or 15" Braunschweiger sausage at the maximum hitting point. Top speeds vary from 125mp to 600mph. Therefore even 15% of either of these speeds striking a witless MTB'er will cause a trajectory dislocation. If it jars loose the MP3 player, all the better.

Does it depend on how rapidly they try to run you down?
The variable is if they use non-TSA approved language while crowding you.

The price of their equipment?
Expensive equipment always looks better going over, and as wreckage. Please see related study "Glittery Dens: Leveraged Breeding Patterns By California Gray Squirrels Utilizing Shiny Debris to Attract More Mates" [BINKSTER, 2003]

What constitutes good service from mountain bikers?
Those with long ListMemories will remember Rrrrron's aphorisms on what constituted a good friend on shore leave.

Ringing their little bells and yelling "on your left?"
Man-bra trainees all, no matter what the cry.

The amount of mud sprayed in their wake?
negligible in the overall calculations, at the discretion of the runner.

May one tip them with trail money?
Ideal, and desired for later recognition.

If so, should one use uncirculated bills, or is "dirty money" OK?
As Bill Bennett is my probable witness [20 to 1]: "Never waste good drugs on bad people"

I'm about to write to Miss Manners, but I thought I'd ask you first. Enquiring minds want to know...
Thanks always. Sign up now for the following online seminars:
"Post-Mortem Muscle-Testing And Galvanic ATM Response Strategies"
"Verifiable Methane Flashpoint Calibration At The Spandex-Afterburner Interface"

I am and remain,
yr Humboldt Obliviant idiom Savant
Erasmus Binkster
Chancellor Emeritii
Hellmouth Amalgamated PolySci
Hellmouth CA


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