Monday, March 18, 2002

Don't Fear The Päcer

The following item was part of a recent Trail Workshop recently held on Mt Wilson-Phillips here in Satanic SoCal. The garroulous keener know as Ray Manzrek was channeled in order to provide background noise. "Betty Davis Eyes" provided by Kim Carnes.

The featured vocalist was Barney, washed up and recently rehabbed ex-child star. He was accompanied by the Gary Coleman Sackbutt Chorus, with ocarina solo by Richard Clayderman. Mr Barney took center stage at the Kylie Minogue Dinner Theater Amphitheatre at the Mr T Cyclonic Experience. Sponge Bob watched from the wings. A smouldering midget pile of PallMall 100s testified to the strain that the Purple One had been under.

Don't Fear The Päcer
(with insincere apologies to the Blue Oyster Cult)


All our splits have come
Here but now they're gone,
Barking Ducks don't fear the pacer
Nor do the wind, the sun and the rain,
We can run where they are
Come on baby, don't fear the pacer
Baby take my hand, don't fear the pacer
Baby I'm your man

A Flashlight is like a gun,
For pleasure or for fun?

Gatorade and Powerbars
Are together in eternity, Gatorade and Powerbars
40,000 men and women everyday, like Gatorade and Powerbars
40,000 men and women everyday, we could crash in the car,
Come on baby, don't fear the pacer
Baby take my hand, don't fear the pacer
We'll be able to fly, don't fear the pacer
Baby I'm your man

Love of two is run
With my flashlight on your buns

Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear you couldn't go on
Then the cot flopped down and the wind appeared
The barking ducks blew and then disappeared
The curtains flew and then RD appeared,
saying don't be afraid
Come on baby, and you had no fear
And you ran to him, then they started to fly
You looked backward and said "bear to the left", and had become another DNF

RD taken you hand, and had become another DNF
Come on baby, don't fear the pacer


Next up:
Das GelbSchnee Meinenschlockers
Barry Manilow and the Love Boat Orchestra
Why Salt is Good
--
Free-Range Bone regards,
Mr Trail Safety

"Tanned, rested and ready,
From His Undisclosed Secure Location"

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