Tuesday, October 31, 2000

KornHole Klassic 69hr Track Run

...Height & Weight Divisions

Well now, time-challenged kampers! We've opened the Mother Lode of All List Topics®™ on this one. Let's cut right to the chase!

Here is a brief summary of various Divisions that will be ***firmly*** in place for the '01 KornHole Klassic 69hr Track Run.

Height Categories:
Dwarf, Average, and Too Damn Tall

Weight:
Anorexic, Uneasy-About-It, Love Handles & Roll-Overs, and Truck-Scale Worthy.

Length:
Guys, I suspect that this category will be most rife with obfuscations, hedgings, and outright cheating. Applicants/claimants will argue [invariably] that it all depends on who's doing the "examinations". With that said, here goes.

[music sfx: cue up Ron Jeremy]

Peewee, Piddling, Dull-Normal, "I'm Feeling Good", and "Too Much of A Good Thing". [For those unclear on the concept, here *is* a difference between 9 inches and 9 centimeters].

Just so no one complains of being left out, for the ladies and the guys out there who are still with us-- Behold the JogBra Competition:
Categories include Teeny, Perky, Tasty, Hmmm, Melons Out of Season, Eye-popping.

Swell huh? If this was Jeopardy, "I knew the answers, but I did not get the questions right..."

For those that just woke up, this is your chance to steer the thread back to the safe waters of salt, blisters, "why RD's are congenitally mean to me", and "what is an ultra?"

Well, gotta tend to the hydroponic PowerBar farm under the grow-lights.

No comments: