Friday, July 10, 1998

Improbable List Etiquette Redefined

OK kids, the ice has been broken. By this I mean that you can now ask the most improbable questions to people who loosely inhabit the same sport or 'spurt as you do, under the impression that they are all, sight unseen, your "friends".

We'll warm up with some hypothetical questions. Let's say, for instance, that...

1] I was going to run my first marathon before I:

a] have a late 4th trimester abortion
b] attend the funeral of a hypothetical relative after standing up on the plane and sticking my sore butt in people's faces
c] wrench all my toenails out with a pair of pliers.

2] I'm having trouble running downhill. Do I lean further forward and:

a] apply ButtLube to my tender bum
b] carry a gun
c] harbor resentments toward a person of the opposite gender you mistakenly spent the night with in a city not your own.

3] You are having trouble in your marriage. Should you...

a] seek counselling
b] put your fist thru the drywall behid a locked door while your spouse calls the police from the next room
c] run barefoot on broken glass across a parking lot while beating a tom-tom singing the "Tubthumping Song".

You get the drift. These are just warm-up questions, designed to get your brain warm and runny so you can Sweat The Big Shit. Incidentally, the correct answers for being an Elevated UltraList Idiot-Savant [pick one] were b, c, b.

Well, that's it for me, gotta go!
--Mr Trail Safety

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