Wednesday, December 31, 1997

New Year's Ultra-Rezzos for '98

That time of the year, again.

This is when all good ultra-Bobs and -Betties look deep into their psychic drop-bags and take inventory of how They Can Do It Better Next Year.

Mr Trail Safety has done some preliminary research, and is happy to share out the results. Here's his Up-Close & Personal Resolution List:

1] I resolve to have the Victoria's Secret Gals as my crew and pacer for all runs and races over 26.2 miles. They will be dressed in "Sport-Appropriate" attire, consisting partially of fuzzy mules/or 4" Chas Jourdan heels, wee aprons so as not to stain them with Gatorade, etc; large silk turbans and dressing gowns when it gets below 60. They will be provided with satin-covered pith helmets and SPF-69 sunblock during the summer months.

2] I will high-step it over Katherine's Pass in Utah leading a brass band. The humble procession will conclude with a shaman swinging a censer and a chain-saw. Which one will be smoking the most?

3] My Ensure shots be followed by Sam's Club Premium Vodka or lighter fluid, whichever has the best bulk deal at the time.

4] During longer races, I will compose ultra sagas in Urdu, and accompany myself on a harpsichord; so as to give comfort and calm to my Pacer, or Inflateable Trail Safety Companion. Whatever.

5] I resolve that my crew and pacers power-load on kim-chee and HazMat Chili prior to races, as I do. Simple Acts Nourish the Complex Human(r)(tm).

6] I will always use wooden kitchen matches to clear the air.

Well, that's it for me today...gotta go!

As ever,

[Mr Trail Safety signature]

MTS:lg

1 comment:

Angela and Jen said...

Funny! Now, if only I had a Sam's Club card..........Happy New Year! Jen