An Ultra Modest Narration (1/42, XL)

A True Narration, by a well-known running personality.

Well now. I feel i can tell this story with a straight face and no need for superfluity. Yes. Other men have always wanted to know, and well, women are curious. Very curious. This is how i went from Couch-Pud to UltraStud.

Not long ago, I was running an acceptable pace at a prominent Rocky Mtn 100 in the alst month. I was running without socks. I was effluorescing due to slight inconvenience of giardia. The toe-jam was fragrant. the weather was perfect.

I was thinking about getting laid by a Dead-Betty back in town when I got through. I was saving my best story for her. She would turn me into the trailer hitch of C&W song. I had a modest collection of authentic ultra-adventures to narrate to a relay of respectful and worshipful acolytes. They hung on to my every word, only seemingly leaving me when I would make the garbage bag hanging off my butt hammer and rattle with periodic gusts.

But more replaced them. Their espect and ardor were incredible. They had read my posts to the UltraList. Consulting with my arch rival (Runner X hailing from a level and lackluster midwestern state (who was feeling the lack of a livestock salt-block he left in the airport [hah!]) I determined that my co-dependent polymers were in pretty good shape.

Then disaster struck! The 200lb test on my Deep-Vee buttfloss was fouled, and I entered the realm of Ring Of Fire! My doppelganger flatlander arch-rival laughed triumphantly, and brandished the Chili-flecked Vicks Bum-Rub in front of me. I was incensed! This was not sporting!! And race management didn't have any!!!

I was composing self-serving and witty posts in my mind to take the mind off the wisps of fragrant smoke that rose from my shorts. FInally, I was pulled from the course at the Fuego de Culo AS which wasn't marked on the course map. Just when things started to look good, my rival pulled off his shoe and said "Catch a whiff of this one..." when I

Next post: Making History Again: Bay To Breakers in under 24hrs


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