Test Your Meager Knowledge About...

…The Also-Rans Of History!

Now You, Your Family, and anyone in E-Z Reach can share The Awesome Majesty that is History's Glorious Pageant™!

Witness in spellbound fascination as we trace the glorious trajectory of this undeservedly obscure civilization. See their humble beginnings, described by famed archeologist Erasmus Binkster as “..Their moveable feast of culture was based on a simple take-out order...”

Our travelog will take you in the comfort of your squishy-butt armchair through the turmoil that eventually brought this mighty empire to its knees, when religious zealots passed Draconian decrees against compulsory mastication. From this mournful twilight we can see the emergence of the Metrecal Dervishes as they swept down like thunder from the far-removed Seven-Eleven Parallel.

This reclusive and mysterious culture are often confused with their more flamboyant and better-upholstered cousins, the Tuck-and-Roll Turks. The swansong of their once-dominant culture was best expressed in the haunting refrains of the ballad accompanied on the fretful Oud, where kohl- eyed beauties sang in their distinctive modalities...”Play It Again, Samarkand...”

In time, their lease expired, and their mighty civilization underwent a Massive Clearance Bazaar; where Everything Was Priced To Go, and They Were Blown Out To The Bare Walls. Their descendants were scattered to the Winds Of All Descriptions. Centuries later, blind buskers and minstrels still sing of the fabulous bargains. Various enclaves have survived in fringe markets, while the more successful have gone into syndication.

This Luxurious Educational Series is Available on Archival Quality BETA Format with Sensurround™ 78RPM Discs that fully capture the Majestic Cavalcade of Times Gone By. Order by post, phone or wireless. Operators Are Waiting!


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