Tuesday, May 14, 1996

Summer School: 1996

Subject: Summer School

Knowing that one has to maintain job and interpersonal interfacing technologies to their optimum levels, the FUDD ENDOWMNT FOR COMPETENCE is dedicated to mainstreaming info-applicants in the manner to which they've become accustomed to. Therefore, LED's & Digitals, we proudly present...

FUDD ENDOWMNT FOR COMPETENCE
Brief & Total® Success Immersion Weekends Offerings For Summer 1995, Updated and re-treaded for Summer 1996.

Held at the tastefully lavish and garish BoehnerDome ConventionPlex, 1133686 MilSpec Thruway, Hellmouth CA. (Just south of downtown off the I-666 Menendez Freeway, next to the Family-Fun Indoor Artillery Range).

WHITE MALE BONDING WEEKENDS
These exclusive and highly successful weekend seminars are now within the reach of opposable thumbs like yours. Today’s recognized leaders will be on hand to lead the weekend workshops. Join us for some of the upcoming seminars!
•Genital Warts, Ethics and You
•White Guys Can’t Make Jello.
•Why Elle MacPherson Will Never Visit You.

*TRAVEL, ADVENTURE AND WIDE SCREEN TV*
Wm F. Buckley’ famous acerbic and cryptic Anglomania will be in full color and glory as he covers the full ultra-violet end of his spectrum as only he could! With featured guest speakers. •What Part of Oxymoron or Ennui Did You Not Understand
•Adult Action Videos In Esperanto.
•English As A Second Language For Native Speakers: Sen. Phil Gramm, guest host.
•Rhodesian BBQ Favorites
•Bruce Willis’ Manly Fondue Weekends

CINEMA AND THE VIRTUALLY LIVELY ARTS
The prodigious output of one of Hollywood’s most visibly fascinating personalities is given the thorough scrutiny and attention it deserves. Reserve early, seminars fill rapidly. Nurses will be in attendance.

•Fade To Pink: The Sharon Stone Career Retrospective 2
•Elle MacPherson: Goddess, Vixen or Misunderstood Artiste?
•Wayne Newton & Jerry Garcia: “The 2-Drink/2 Hit Minimum” Road Tour. You get to guess which one's dead. Open book.
•Adult Infomercials: Virtual Interfacing (cyber-chat hosted by Traci Lords, 95¢ per min, 7 min. minimum). No refunds.

PERSONAL LIFESTYLE ENHANCEMENTS
Here are courses that the harried executive will want to survey to keep ahead of the rapid advances available today.
•Palm-hair Re-foliation Strategies: Domestic or Imported?
•Penile Implant Strategies: Analog or Digital?
•Best Pick-up lines at Feminist Retreats. (Red-Man suits available for rental)
•Hot! Singles Ads in Literacy-Challenged Media.
•Empowered Boomer Weaselling.
•Making Your Own Raw Survivalist Lunch-Box.

THE WIDE WIDE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF MICHAEL JACKSON
Follow in excruciating detail the trials of the Information Nano-Era’s most livliest maturity-challenged Spokesperson! Numerous competent and voluble experts representing a variety of viewpoints will be on hand to share their knowledge. Classes cannot be audited, retainers will be accepted only in the beginning. All subsequent billing is by the hour. No refunds.
•Rhinoplasty, Fuzzy Stuffed Animals and You

HUFFINGTON REALLY ELITE LEADERSHIP SEMINARS
The Huffingtons will again host a weekend leadership seminar based on their past-life accomplishments in California. Dates, times and topics to be announced as seminars fill. Large capacity (50,000+) facilities available.

BRAVE NEWT WORLD “Ideas R Us” FORUM
This is your next-best chance to get in at Parking Level 86 (so to speak!) for the most dynamic and incendiary proto-thinkers of our epoch. Not recommended for those whose bladders are small or prostates large, and cash-flow restrained. Average class length 4-8 hrs, no intermissions. He has a lot of ground to cover!*
•Really Hot Boogie Bar Bands of the ‘70s
•InterActive Contributor’s Workshop
•Tom Clancy’s Lost “Sonnets For B-1 Bombers”
•Lo-Impact Extended Verbal Step Workouts.

MODERN CULTURE INTERPRETED
Today’s popular culture need not be threatening. Skilled docents lead you through inter-active events and displays. See for yourself!
•John Tesh plays the Nirvana Songbook.
•Julia Roberts Reads Jackie Collins
•Victoria’s Secret Without Tears II: Hosted by Claudia Schiffer, with music by Yanni.
•Karaoke Skills Enhancement Workshops.

THE AMBITIOUS WORLD OF SLACKERS
The Generation X phenomenon has captured the attention of Hollywood and Capitol Hill. This is your chance to “go online” and “score big, way big” in the emerging culture.
•Nose Ring, Tattoo or Bail Hearing: Which Comes First?
•I Kissed A Girl: A Trans-Gender Revelation.
•My Suffering: The Depeche Mode Songbook
•Martha Stewart’s Beano World

Back by Poular Demand!
WHITE GUYS REALLY KICK BUTT!
•Pat Robertson’s Favorite Stag & Smoker Jokes
•Rush Limbaugh’s Ton-O-Fun® Aerobicizing Joystick Workouts.
THIS IS THE COMPANION SERIES TO:
• Rush Limbaugh's Really Bitchin' War Movies 'til Dawn.

•Meeting the SI Swimsuit Interfaces

*Corporate Rates Available. Special rates apply during peak holiday seasons. Some calendar days are blacked out at discretion of vendor. Your mileage may vary. Not to worry.Have a Nice Day!

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