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Showing posts from February, 2009

Jobs Still Elude Some Bush Ex-Officials: Text Analysis

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Original article appeared in the Feb 21, 2008 WSJ

Text Analysis by Erasmus Binkster Rfp, SoQ, AMf, and Bucky Kibble III, Esq

The jobless rate is hanging high -- for many of the roughly 3,000 political appointees who served President George W. Bush. Finding work has proved a far tougher task than those appointees expected.

No shit. You got appointed, and didn't have to apply online with Monster.com

"This is not a great time for anyone to be job hunting, including numerous former political appointees," said Carlos M. Gutierrez, Mr. Bush's commerce secretary. Previously chief executive of cereal maker Kellogg Co., he hopes to run a company again because "I have a lot of energy."

read: "home life sucks, my kids hate me, and my girlfriend wants money"

Only 25% to 30% of ex-Bush officials seeking full-time jobs have succeeded, estimated Eric Vautour, a Washington recruiter at Russell Reynolds Associates Inc. That "is much, much worse" than when Rona…

Further Inquiries Into The Matter Of The Great White Fur-Bearing Freshwater Shark

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(notes from the Estate of Dr Quadde, all rights reserved)

Further Inquiries Into The Matter Of The Great White Fur-Bearing Freshwater Shark
By Roccardo “Dick” Quadde, Rfp, SoQ, AmF.

The waiting stack of arcana was irresistible. I began reading at the beginning.

This Shark features prominently in the folklore of the indigenous Maeomo-Lipkat peoples: an enigmatic tribe who were regarded as peculiar by their Paiute and Shoshonean neighbors. Consequently little mixing occurred outside of trade. They were linguistic isolates, and spoke a language utterly unlike any other. They left little more than curious petroglyphs in isolated canyons.

The first verifiable sighting of the Great White Fur-Bearing Freshwater Shark by a European came on August 25, 1787. Antonio Fuego de Culo y Ruidoso was lost in the High Dorkoliths while looking for a mountain pass that was the most direct route between Mojave and Tulare. His royal charter required him to note
"all and divers Fishes, Fowles, Beastes, Bir…

Fur-Bearing Freshwater Sharks Rumored In Mtn Lakes

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(LA Times, July 22, 1990)

by ELWOOD MARKWAYS III
TIMES STAFF WRITER

COPROLYTE NATIONAL MONUMENT, near Hellmouth, CA:

The discovery of Giant Fur-Bearing Freshwater Sharks was announced today by State Fish & Game naturalists in conjunction with Dr Roccardo “Dick” Quadde, Prof. Emeritus of Hellmouth Amalgamated PolySci, Hellmouth California.

State Fish & Game naturalists did not confirm or deny informed questions as to the exact location of these enigmatic creatures.

Giant Fur-Bearing Fresh-water Sharks had been well documented on the Upper Agua Mojado further to the eastern edges of the Coprolyte National Monument, where the Agua Mojado drainage meets the confluence of the Chorizo Altiplano as it descends through the porous rugosities of the Stoeff-Topp strata.

Freshwater sharks (s. aquafrescum) had been rumored but not seen in at least a generation, and the fur-bearing sub genus (s. hirsuticum) had not been adequately documented. Prior specimens had been exceedingly rare due t…

Alone With the Fur-Bearing Great Whites of Big Quimfire Lake

(notes from the Estate of Dr Quadde, all rights reserved)

Alone With the Fur-Bearing Great Whites of Big Quimfire Lake
By Roccardo “Dick” Quadde, Rfp, SoQ, AmF.

Early in the summer of 1969 I was taking a summer sabbatical trip through the Rhümpe-Wrangeling foothills. The slopes were a verdant riot of majestic trees, which extended from their roots through their wooden trunks all the way to the tops. As we wound up the scenic George Murphy Highway, I was listening to the resonate static of the Hellmouth (Amalgamated) PolySci radio station KGFY. Between sibilant hisses of static one could enjoy the melodic strains of Thomas Schnabel’s Divertimento in D Minus For Brazilian Nose Flutes, opus 9 1/2, which I had seen performed live when I was an undergraduate back in my sunny tropical years at the H. Wallace Beddoes Institute.

Today however, I was on a different ichthyological errand. Reports had come filtering out of the chop-sleeved, snuff-dipping, chain-sawed uplands that had caused …

Spring Fever In the Dorkoliths

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(one of an occasional series from the archives of the "Journal for Crypto-Ethnology" Spring 1991)

by Dr. Roccardo F. "Dick" Quadde; RfP, SoQ, AmF.


The long winter passed uneventfully, a slowly leaking bladder full of inert gas. I was occupied greatly by the continuing investigations into the previous summer’s disastrous expeditions to the lofty and distant Dorkolithic spires. But as the days lengthened and the snows began to retreat from the the alpinid meadows, I became anxious and eager seek a remarkable vanished remnant of Hellmouth’s glory-hole days during the fabled Kaopectatum Boom.

The object of this quest was to locate the remains of a startling aeronautical prototype that had literally gone in a blaze of glory from the small mining hamlet of Hellmouth back in the summer of 1909.

Wherefore the shift from coprolytica to aeronautica?

One typically blustery and cold November afternoon I had been doing research in the Archival Manuscript Section of the Hellmo…

What Would You Tell A Bank CEO?

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MoveOn asked the question "What Would You Tell A Bank CEO?"

Seems some CEO's might be asked some hard questions in committee in DC this week. They might cry a bit, and hope they can make it home without losing their pants. Or their place in line in Jackson Hole.

Don't know what you would do, but this is what I said:

Hey Bank President:

1/ Do you spend 50% of your take-home on rent?

2/ Are your incomes flat—for the last 15 years?

3/ Are you unable to take time off for healthcare because that would cut into your hourly pay?

4/ Have you missed a credit card payment and been told by the bank that your APR is now 25%?

No. Didn't think so.

I spit in your face. If I saw you walking by the side of the highway pushing a shopping cart, looking for cans and bottles, I'd be tempted to hit you. Just to watch you fly.