Thursday, March 20, 2008

Exposition of Chickenshit Logic

Rush hour distraction, Phoenix AZ, Oct 2005. For some reason it made me think a bit about the country we live in now.

Maybe you've seen these numbers, either still or in motion:

World War I
Woodrow Wilson, DEMOCRAT
U.S. deaths-115,000

World War II
Franklin Roosevelt, DEMOCRAT
U.S. deaths-400,000.

Korean War
Harry Truman, DEMOCRAT
U.S. deaths-36,000

Vietnam War
John Kennedy, DEMOCRAT
U.S. deaths-58,000.

The War in Iraq George Bush,

U.S. deaths-4,000.

This recently surfaced in response to a Joe Conason column in the New York Observer. Of course I answered it. And in honor of the 15 people who'll read this in the next few weeks, here it is, in an expanded exposition.

I love it when crap like this bobs up! Lets review the facts, as it is still a "reality-based" world. Let's take down two of these howling wing-nut talking points for starters...

World War I: US entry speeded by German torpedos at US shipping, culminating in the sinking of the Lusitania. I guess that wouldn't bother Mr Odom any.

World War II: Pearl Harbor? And on Dec 10 Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy declared war on us as well. Oh, I'm sorry!

Korean War: Truman may have committed us, but John Foster Dulles and the cave-man wing of the GOP were jacking off furiously at the idea of nuclear war with the Soviets. Furthermore, all this bellicosity was shown to be the hollow crapfest it always was when the Hungarians revolted against their Soviet overlords. And no, it didn't because of gun control. It was because of jets, tanks and Mongolians.

Back to Korea: Truman's greatest sin for these clowns was sacking MacArthur, who had been gamed thoroughly by the North Koreans at Inchon. Of course MacArthur thought crossing the Yalu was a splendid idea, which brought the Chinese into the war. And that is where it all truly went to hell.

Vietnam: In 1954 Eisenhower took over the financing and arming of the South Vietnamese from the French after Dien Bien Phu. For the French-haters out there, it is useful to remember that the French lost over 50,000 men in Indo-China between 1945 and 1954. Never mind the Vietnamese, who were mainly trying to get their country back. By French law, draftees could not serve in Indo China. It was left to the professional soldiers and the French Foreign Legion [a manpower funnel that had every fugitive from across Europe of whom no questions were asked] along with the colonial conscripts.

We'll fast-forward past the blunders of JFK and LBJ, who deserve no mercy, to the august Richard Nixon. Any opportunity to end the war was ignored or blundered, which continued the hang-over until April 1975, under the Ford Administration.

Jimmy Carter seems to have gotten off lightly in the preceding analysis, which surprises me. I expected some Ludendorffian "stabbed-in-the-back" rhetoric there.

Now we have the unspoken interlude of Reagan I & II.

Reagan's most poisonous gifts to the American legacy was that an empire could fight on the cheap. He got away with it, and I suppose that's why the GOP likes to name everything that isn't nailed down after him. After 280+ Marines died in Beirut [cf Marcinko, 1991] he pulled out [or is that 'cut and run'?]. Got me!

Bush I. Let's see—Desert Storm, coalition, planning, teamwork, and a clear exit strategy. All things his prodigal son doesn't have and never had.

Clinton I & II. The body count is down on Bubba, I suppose convulsing a government over a knobber is the way to go on that.

Bush I & II. Distinguished by a claque that got everything wrong every time, but managed to make sure its paychecks kept coming. Despite every conceivable looting and degradation of the civic infrastructure.

Let's recap what we knew then, and know now:

1] No WMD
2] No Nukes
3] No connection of Iraq to Al-Qaeda

and this is the kicker:

4] Iraq didn't invade us, sink our ships, nothing. Remember, Saddam was our bitch from the beginning. Rummy shook that bastard's hand twice in public, while we were giving him whatever he wanted after he invaded Iran in 1980. You forgot? The Iranians didn't, and haven't. That war has been justifiably called The First World War of the Third World.


5] Now the entire Arab world has reason to hate us, forever. Every swinging dick with a beef will rush to sign up with any other dick who calls themselves Al Qaeda. As opposed to "Anwar's House of Terror". Plus the Iranians.

Lets also remember that before the invasion, Iraq provided 15% of our oil, at $33 a barrel. Gas used to be $1.46 a gallon, remember?


Those responsible for these horrors and chaos are to a man [and woman] Chicken-Hawks. They dodged going to 'Nam, citing "other priorities". Most have never heard a shot fired in anger, let alone put on boxing gloves to find out what its like to have somebody trying to hit you.

Numbers alone do not tell the story. Think about that next time you gas up.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Why Downhill Mountain Bikers Are Pussies

A Touching Forward

Last summer I'd staggered to the top of Mt Wilson from Sierra Madre. I wasn't having an especially good day, but the water fountain was reason enough to continue. When I got there, there was a doe-eyed, hairless punk with half-unzipped leathers slumped on the retaining wall. "Ride to live, live to ride" was tattooed across his chest in big letters. There were at least six bikes dumped in a cluster around him.

I was curious. "Where's the rest of your crew?" My curiosity was about to be rewarded.

The boy looked up and said morosely "…uh, [Bobby] was trying to get some air, but he landed badly. We had to call a paramedic. We were going to ride down to Chantry, but now we're waiting for a ride.…"

Dead silence. The flies were unconcerned. Outwardly, I was solemn.

Inwardly, I was flippin! Stoogin' going whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop!, while spinning on my shoulder on the parking lot asphalt! It doesn't get any better than this!

Serves you fucking right, dipshit. You and your dickhead posse shooting down the Upper Winter Creek Trail knocking elderly Asian dayhikers like bowling pins. Or how 'bout the young family with their four-year old who just missed getting dinged by a Bozo Pelloton?

The Big Show

Yes, its all about you—the weekend MTB'er driving up to the top of Mt Wilson. You are a pussy. And if you're wearing body armor, you're a double pussy. Fuck you and the helmet you're wearing.

No, this isn't about you if you're riding with your kids on the bike path down at Santa Monica. You aren't pretending to be all heroic and extreme. Chances are greater that you'll actually be paying attention. By how much is anyone's guess.

And no, this isn't about you, the Realized MTB'er, the one or two of you I've seen, who ride uphill. One gent I saw, back in 2000, was riding up out of Chilao Flats up to Bandido. He saw us, and gandy-jumped up over the 8" railroad ties, while waiting for us to pass. You sir, were the Shit.

The rest of you flabby weenies, get all up in my shit—not that I care, but check this out. It obviously takes nothing to fly down a mountain trail. Because if you were riding uphill, like a real man (because most women are smarter than you anyway…and they're not giving you a taste of their honey, never) you'd burn up inside your plastic armor. Have a PowerBar, you look hungry.

Another sad fact is that you are outrunning your reflexes. Most of you couldn't stop on a dime if Scarlett Johannsen herself spotted you the change.

To add real insult to injury, if you had real balls, you'd be out testing your game in city traffic. That's right, home-slice. Doing the Steel and Rubber Slalom with 10,000 new dickheads on a daily basis. Monday thru Friday, twice daily. Let's see you come around a corner and bullshit your way thru an MTA bus or dirt-hauler. Advantage: other guy.

One more thing: Mahal'o for being you—have a nice day!