Thursday, June 28, 2007

Classicella- Barbarella at 40+

Barbarella is simultaneously a quaint artifact and and the edgy progenitor of the modern graphic novel. The iconography successfully incorporates elements of Jules Verne and the Nouvelle Vague in a retro science-fiction dreamscape.

Many of the elements in the novel have been worked over ad infinitum—the leggy heroine who is a determined hedonista; but other classic ingredients of French erotic fiction are well used—court intrigue, betrayal, awkward situations, and the boundless capacity of humans to plunge blindly in pursuit of pleasure.

I hadn't read "Barbarella" in over 35 years. It was interesting to see what I'd remembered, and find out what I didn't see back in my weedy youth.

Good times all around!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


"Your friends are definitely better than mine"

This was the Voice Of Reason from Earl "The Rocket" Jones, as he admired my 24k bling'ed PIMP goblet.

We were at the 3rd Outer Circle of the Western States 100 Finish Line, Sunday Morning Coming Down.

The Firste Circle is the Ring Of White Chairs Inside The Barriers.

The Seconde is The Laire of the White Nurse [being all double-bubbled and shit].

And the Thirde is round the outside, round the outside.

Let's see. The main topic of conversation for all the WS Entrants was not about Hal or Nikki, it was whether Paris Hilton would be able to walk unassisted from jail after being on a reduced sperm-n-demerol regimen. Also, whether the Magenta Star Child would be able to commune with the Trail Faeries and git enuff water. But all this wilted from the mighty hear of the Krucible of the Kanyons.

To everyone's Great Surprise, it was hot. Perhaps not hot enough to fry eggs on your visor, but close. There were a fair number of people who got into knock-down fights with the trail. Advantage: trail.

I was staggered by the number of uniformed WS Personnel and barriers everywhere. Every time I turned around there was somebody. The Safety Patrol had morphed from its original 1995 Slip-n-Slide incarnation to numerous strike teams of Tres Caballeros who joined the various conga lines to be ready to assist. Services offered included in-motion acupuncture, leaching, cupping, moxibustion, Rolfing, past-Life marathon regression, and select exorcisms. I wondered if they were also responsible for in-line dust-settling sprinkling on the trail. Hm.

All this remained unknown to me at the finish. Finishers were treated to a very bad 'short schoolbus' bar band that thrashed thru a selections of oldies. I woulda preferred a 'skort schoolbus' band along the lines of the Go-go's [perhaps with a leavening of talent], but that's what an LA be-otch like me would say. The band started loud and ended on a muted note.

From there on in it was the announcer's ipod that picked up the slack. And fortunately, it was largely listenable, and not drawn from the Masterworks Korral of Led Zucchini, Journey, Rush, and Molly Hatchet. I'm sure that someone out there wanted Air Supply as well.

At 1100 hrs the course was closed. Of course there was a solitary duck making her desperate way to Portals Of Glory 100 yards out. Time waits for no man, nor woman on the Last Fateful Lap. In her moment of crushing disappointment, she could take solace in knowing that Everyone Is A Winner, and if not, its all Pacer Error.

I scrupulously avoided the Awards Show. I wasn't getting anything, which was OK, as the Karma Squirrel was packed to the titz with all my gear n shit. They had the Awards in the Big Tent, rather than the saunafied Placer HS Gym as in Years Gone By.

The next day I drove back to the Great Satan via I-5. Mistake. 99 is far more interesting—better food and cheaper gas.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Chompin' Chia

Guaranteed to ruin your weekend.

What started it all:

-----Original Message-----
From: [redacted ]
To: yetanother time suck_List
Sent: Wed, 20 Jun 2007 8:22 am
Subject: Chia seeds

I recently read in a race report that some runners where trying chia seeds
during their runs (yes, the "chia pet" seeds). They appearantly have
incredible water absorbtion qualities and when eaten are supposed to buffer
glycogen and electrolytes - and that supposedly helps keep you better
hydrated and prevents energy dips and spikes.

So - I decided to order some to check it out, and am curious if anyone on
the list has tried it before. Have any tips? recipes? how do you actually
use it during a run, do you eat the seeds raw or turn it into a gel?
leading to:
Begin forwarded message:

From: mrtrailsafety
Date: June 20, 2007 12:45:39 PM PDT
To: Karl
Cc: Subject: Fwd: Chia seeds

Hi Bad Karl:

I think you need to answer this lost soul:

In honor of your Great Wisdom, I wanted to leech your brain, uh, axe you a Q, bro.

I'm writing you on the UltraList, because its like farting in the dark. Nobody sees you, nobody hears you, but you get to share all the same.

Uhm...I want to grow a chia pet out my butt. But you say that Oatmeal is better. Like, WTF, dewd! Chia is green, Oatmeal is beige. No way I want a Beige Monster growing out my butt, dig?

Also: why are RedVines sold in the weatherstripping dept of Home Depot? And why can I buy spackle in the dairy section? And I just read that Kool Whip and condom Lube share 95% of the same proprietary DNA! Talk about smoove mouf-feel! Damn! Dunno 'bout you, home-slice, but I won't be bangin' any chimps anytime soon.

OK. I got my ultra-freek on. Peace out.

Barney Q Fudgepakker
"26.2 LOL 2 U"

spawning this:

Ode To Chia

First brought to my attention by Mary C***, and thusly brought forward by the tender mercies of Suzanne W***. Karl K*** is the nominal beneficiary of this nonsense.

1] Leftoverture

When overcome by logorrhea,
I need to vent [oh my-oh mia]
That running jolts, you’d have to see, ya,
I read about, The Mighty Chia.

Unsettled I am, alimentaria,
And tempting fate, colonic loteria,
By craving green, I had to see, ya,
I give you now, “Chompin’ Chia”
2] The Main Evente: Chompin' Chia
[with completely insincere apologies to ABBA]

I’ve been obsessed by Chia since I don’t know when
So I made up my mind, overruling the other end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I start to run, but I suddenly lose control
Mr Turtlehead shouts, “Fire In The Hole!
Just one toot, and the barking duck sings
One more blast and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Chompin’ Chia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
logorrhea, does it show again?
My my, just how much I’ve blown through!
Yes, I’ve been popcorn-farted
Blue flames the day I started
Why, why did I ever let it go?
Magic Chia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let it go.

I’ve been angry and sad about the things that you do
I start to run, then my thoughts revert to Poo,
And when it goes, its out the back door
I think it know that I won’t be away too long
You know that I’m not that strong.
Just one look and I can feel the barking duck
One more blast and I know I’m fucked, o-o-o-oh

Chompin’ Chia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
No tengo allegria, does it go again?
Ay! Ay!, just how much I’ve missed you
Yes, I’ve been popcorn-farted
Blue flames the day I started
Why, why do my guts behave so?
Chompin’ chia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
Chompin’ chia, its a game we play
Bye bye doesn’t mean forever

Chompin’ Chia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
logorrhea, does it show again?
My my, just how much I’ve blown through!
Yes, I’ve been popcorn-farted
Blue flames the day I started
Why, why did I ever let it go?
Magic Chia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Kurt Waldheim's Last Unfulfilled Wish

Kurt Waldheim died this week at the ripe old age of 88. Just before he died
he told his gathered family at the bedside that he regretted not being
invited to the White House, where he could give Dick Cheney Hermann Goering's
Reich Marshal's uniform.